Brickhead wasn’t stupid he was just a little bit slower than the other guys.
I guess it was my job to bring him up to speed on how things at the office ran. Over drinks was the best way to get that shit taken care of.
Anyway, Brickhead wasn’t a bad guy. He was just young and from the Midwest or the country or some place somewhere where they had chickens and roosters and cows and hens and I really didn’t give a fuck about any of that.
It wasn’t my job to care.
It was my job to train the new recruits so they knew how things were supposed to go and to get things taken care of without making any mistakes.
That was the most important thing of all. No mistakes ever.
This bar I took them all to was called Mr. O’s—a favorite little shit hole because it was always empty, the bartender minded his own fucking business and he never charged me for drinks- why? I don’t know– but that was just fine with me.
The juke had a pretty good selection too —The Doors, The Stones, U2, The Who, The Police,Fucking ACDC, Good shit.
They even threw me free chicken wings –a big ol’ greasy bucket.
Yeah, man– Mr. O’s is the shit.
Ok so get this– Brickhead– who is nothing more than a little fucking shit-eating cowboy– he says to me –with this serious look on his face—-“So when do I get to handle some real action, already.”
Can you believe this fuckin guy–the balls on this fuckin retard.
I look at him and I’m about to slap this mutt silly but just then, Charlie the bartender, trots up with a couple free beers and a buckets of wings…and I just laugh to myself–I eat a couple wings and down my beer.
Then I grab this mother-fucking prick by his fucking neck with my right hand and I start to squeeze– and he looks at me–all surprised–but now I got his attention real good–I start squeezing harder and harder –and his face starts to turn redder and redder–like a real brick-head– now I got his full attention, his eyes start tearing up, he looks all confused and then I whisper–“when I say we talk about business–that’s when we talk about business…do you got me?…nod if you understand…” I helped the kid nod.
Then I slowly eased up on the vise.
Same routine for over a dozen new recruits.
What can I say? They gotta learn from the get go ’bout protocols.
Anyways for some reason schoolin’ this young prick made me think about all the other important stuff I had learned over the years about all sorts of shit.
Like, it’s always better to over-tip than under-tip. Just is. Red-heads are all crazy. They just are. Always mute commercials–that’s why there’s a mute button. Never answer a phone call from a phone number if you don’t recognize the number on caller ID. Police lie like a rug–just as much as criminals. Potato chips go great with ketchup. Always double down when you can. Don’t order take out sushi. Never write down shit or text or email important stuff only use payphones. Women never look fat…not if you wanna get laid.
“You know something is happening here/ But you don’t know what it is /
Do you, Mr. Jones?” – Bob Dylan
Last week, one of my adoring fans wrote a story about me, then sent it to me. He informed me, directly, that this story was not just inspired by me, it was (and is) about me. In other words, I am one of two main characters in the tale. My last name, in real life, is Barrigar, and my credentials are MFA, PhD, which I sometimes use, since I earned them.
This author changed my name, in his tale about me, to Bannister, MFA, PhD.
In the opening scene of this story, I am presented as a drug addict who bursts into a woman’s room, beats her into submission, and steals all her money so he can buy drugs. While I admit to having been forced into borrowing money from a few lovely, generous, and wealthy ladies in the deep past (mostly for food), the scene of physical violence that was (and is) portrayed in this story about me is so far from anything I would ever do in life (or have ever done in life) that its effect upon me, the reader of the tale that is directly about me, was (and remains) disturbing.
(I have never struck anyone in my entire life, even when struck first, although I have had to take a few people out in other ways, like tripping them or throwing them down onto the ground before swooping away like a ghost and disappearing around the corner. The message is, and has always been, Don’t tread on me.)
Next, in this story about me of which I speak, I am portrayed as if I were some sort of Ivy League, bicoastal elite because I spent over twenty years teaching (in various forms) in academia.
But I was a college dropout until I was twenty-five years old. I’ve lived in the Midwest (Michigan, Illinois, and Kansas) for 97% of my life. I attended humble state universities (the University of Illinois, Wichita State University, and the University of Illinois at Chicago). I took out an enormous (and even ungodly) amount of loans to finance my own education. I worked as a pizza delivery driver for a large portion of my twenty-somethings, and was mugged more than once while doing so. At one point I was teaching at three different colleges in the city of Chicago and spent four or more hours, four or five days a week, commuting, by car, train, and feet. And I only stayed in academia so long because I couldn’t find a job that would pay me for writing (even though I also do come from a family of teachers, so a lot of the work felt fairly natural in that sense; and on the other hand, I was often teaching so much to keep my head above water that I had no time for my own writing, postponing my development as a writer without any doubt whatsoever at all).
Finally, in the story about me, I am simplified, distorted, turned into an unrecognizable cartoon villain, and presented entirely as someone I am not, even though it’s obvious that the writer of this tale about me (which, again, he himself directly said is about me in no uncertain terms) has read a lot of my autobiographical writings to write something about me that almost, in just a few places, weirdly resembles who I almost am (but only almost, and only in a very few places).
The story about me is very poorly written and obviously tossed off in a fit of rage and pique after I verbally warred with this person online about the nasty things he was saying about my writing, and also about the writing and art of other people, on the independent literary site I am an editor for. And yes, when the vitriol and hard feelings become intense enough, it is a form of psychological warfare; and I will continue to defend my own work and the work of other artists we choose to publish on this blog until my dying day or until the site closes its doors. I consider it very much a part of the wider war against philistinism and closed-mindedness in this nation and world.
It is a weird thing to know that someone out there hates you so much that he or she is willing to sit there for hours writing a story about you that obviously shows some sort of weird obsession with you even though it also makes its disdain for you as clear as it could possibly be, and then sends it straight to you the next day, even after a cool-down period. (This sort of thing also happened to me a few times back in the old days, when I was a member of writing workshops, etc.)
None of us can understand any of the others of us in this world, not even when we think we do (or especially not when we think we do).
But sometimes, when the writer has done her or his work after long hours (and years, or decades) of patient toil and joyful, painful labor, that writer is able to start producing material that transcends the self, at least some of the time.
Almost no writers ever get to this point, and definitely almost all best-selling writers these days never get to this point. Just cast your eyes over all the best-seller lists these days, and see how all the material is: all the same, all the same, all the same (all the same, with only the names changed). Formulaic writing is not transcendent writing; and one could also say that it’s not even “writing” at all, in the sense I mean here.
After decades of toil, often-unrelenting pressure, danger, and more toil, you finally find your voice in prose. And then someone who doesn’t understand you, or your project, at all, casually happens by and pisses all over it; like a dog trying to mark a territory that was never meant for him at all.
END NOTE: Thank you to Bob Dylan for the song “Ballad of a Thin Man” which gives the epigraph to this (all-too-true) essay. There is nothing new under the sun.
In the title, “thin” means, among other things, of no real substance, insignificant, pointless; Dylan is brilliant at reinventing words (not using them in a sloppy, imprecise way).
END NOTE: The great poet Matthew Arnold first used the term “philistinism” in the nineteenth century, to describe a middle- or upper-class hatred of high culture, which is consequently a hatred of artists and art: due to the love of comfort, possessions, and money, to the exclusion of all else (hello, Mr. El Presidente and billions more).
As I scanned the SD card, a theme emerged. First it was birds in flight, then I sort of got taken by the vivid colors of summer. I thought about Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome.”
I don’t have any Kodachrome, but I do have a Nikon camera… It takes a nice photograph. I always get fascinated by foxtail weeds. They are quite photogenic. Morning glories steal the show when the soybeans dry and summer slips into fall, but we’re not there yet. Let’s not rush into anything.
So while we’re not there yet. I took some pictures of flowers. Flower Power, and why not? I can’t claim that era, but I can enjoy the flowers. Get a little dream going in the hammock.
(Ed. Note: We are pleased to welcome back playwright Gary Beck–LA, DWB)
(Mr. Barker leads in two performers to do a clown show.)
Mr. Barker: You can get ready here, but put make up on in the bathroom. No smoking.
Koko: We don’t smoke.
Mr. Barker: No drinking.
Pipi: We don’t drink. We’re clowns! (Barker shrugs.) Like in the circus.
Mr. Barker: There’s no circus anymore.
Koko: Of course there is.
Mr. Barker: It closed over a year ago. (Koko and Pipi look at each other.) Don’t you watch the news on TV?
Pipi: What about the elephants?
Mr. Barker: They got rid of them. Probably sold them for dog food. (Koko and Pipi react. Exit Mr. Barker.)
Pipi: If there’s no circus, where do the parents take their kids?
Koko: To a museum?
Pipi: That’s no fun.
Koko: A movie?
Pipi: They watch Cable TV all the time. They need to see live shows.
Koko: Like us.
Pipi: We’re lucky that they still come to see us.
Koko: Let’s hope they like us.
Pipi: You know we’ll make them like us.
Koko: I worry that they’ll stop wanting to see clowns. What will we do then?
Pipi: There’ll always be people who want to see us.
Koko: Don’t be too sure.
Pipi: Am too.
Koko: Am not.
Pipi: Am too. (They laugh.)
(Enter Mr. Barker.)
Mr. Barker: The parents and kids are coming in now.
Koko: How old are they?
Mr. Barker A lot of younger ones today. Mostly four and five year olds. But there are older ones, eight and nine.
Koko: That’s not good.
Mr. Barker: Why not?
Koko: They’ll try to be cool in front of the younger kids and they’ll sit with their iPhones, texting with their friends.
Mr. Barker: We usually have singers or storytellers here. This is the first time we’ve had clowns, and only because our regular singer, the blue jay lady, got sick. Tell you the truth, I wanted to cancel today. I don’t think much of clowns.
Pipi: You’ll think a lot better of clowns once you see us perform.
Mr. Barker: I hope so. Let me know if you need anything.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
Koko: So here we are again, getting ready to do our show for kids who’d rather be playing video games.
Pipi: They’ll love us.
Koko: You say that every time.
Pipi: It’s our job.
Koko: It would have been easier if I was born a princess.
Pipi: Why?
Koko: Then I’d have a palace and we could invite all the kids and parents and they’d be impressed and love us.
Pipi: That’s sweet.
Koko: I can be sweet.
Pipi: I know… We’ll make them love us.
(Enter Mr. Barker)
Mr. Barker: You two better get a move on. The kids’ll start getting restless if they sit too long.
Koko: We’re preparing our mindsets.
Mr. Barker: (Suspiciously) What’s a mindset?
Pipi: It’s our way of preparing to perform.
Mr. Barker: This is getting weird. It’s bad enough that grown women should make fools of themselves clowning around….
Pipi: There’s a long tradition of women clowns.
Mr. Barker: I don’t know about that. Now get ready to go out there or you won’t get paid.
Koko: We have a contract.
Mr. Barker: Then sue me. Get moving or else.
Koko: That’s not the state to put us in just before a show.
Mr. Barker: Do you believe these girls? If you’re not ready to go in ten minutes you can do your next show in Alaska.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
Koko: (To his back.) That’s not the state I meant.
Pipi: What did you mean?
Koko: That we’re a sovereign state.
Pipi: I don’t understand.
Koko: We’re bounded on five sides by air and on one side by terrestrial matter. (Pipi looks confused.) I’ll explain.
Pipi: I’m all ears.
Koko: We are in front, back, both sides and on top, surrounded by air.
Pipi: Ah.
Koko: And our feet rest on the ground.
Pipi: Ah.
Koko: Thus! We exist before aforementioned points, a principality.
Pipi: Ah. Then we must always fear invasion.
Koko: Why?
Pipi: Well, neighbors being neighbors, we’ll always… How shall I say it? Poach?
Koko: Ah.
Pipi: Seek territorial expansion at the expense of others.
Koko: A perspicuous comment.
Pipi: You’re so clever.
Koko: Besides. We shouldn’t fear our neighbors.
Pipi: Then what?
Koko: Ask who?
Pipi: Well?
Koko: Say it.
Pipi: You’re so stubborn sometimes. (Koko is impatient). All right, all right. Who?
Koko: A president who does bad things.
Pipi: What can we do about the president?
Koko: Another perspicuous comment.
Pipi: What does perspicuous mean?
Koko: That you’re smart.
Pipi: I always knew you recognized my intelligence. (Smart song and dance.)
(Enter Mr. Barker)
Mr. Barker: I thought I told you clowns to stop fooling around and get ready.
Pipi: We are.
Mr. Barker: If you’re not out there in 5 minutes, I’ll cancel the show and give you what’s coming to you. (Starts to exit.)
Koko: We’d like to give you what’s coming to you. (Mr. Barker turns back.)
Mr. Barker: What did you say?
Pipi: Koko said you’ll appreciate the coming show.
Mr. Barker: Yeah. Right. Now get going.
Pipi: We’ll be ready in a minute or two.
Mr. Barker: You better be.
(Exit Mr. Barker)
Koko: Once again we’re being ordered around by a bully who doesn’t understand us.
Pipi: It’s only temporary.
Koko: So’s life… I’m so tired of disguising myself in order to hide from so many horrors.
Pipi: But we still please so many people, especially children.
Koko: Pleasure is fleeting. So is everything else.
Pipi: So what’s left?
Koko: Enduring until the end.
Pipi: That doesn’t sound very promising.
Koko: Promises are always broken.
Pipi: No they’re not! When I was six Mom promised to take me to the movies if I was good.
Koko: And?
Pipi: She did. She did. That proves promises aren’t always broken.
Koko: What’s a promise made to a child? Everything’s collapsing around us, despite the promises of the president to make things better. Yet we still paint our faces and put on costumes to try to stem the tide of despair.
Pipi: It’s not that bad.
Koko: It is. It is. Will our suffering never end? But no matter what, we go out there and entertain.
Pipi: It’s our job.
Koko: We should quit.
Pipi: You don’t mean that?
Koko: Why not?
Pipi: Who would make people laugh?
Koko: They’ll find somebody.
Pipi: What if they don’t?
Koko: They will.
Pipi: What if they don’t?
Koko: They’ll get along without laughter.
Pipi: They can’t!
Koko: Of course they can. Laughter’s not that important.
Pipi: You don’t mean that.
Koko: I do.
Pipi: We can’t get along without people. We need them.
(Enter Mr. Barker)
Mr. Barker: This is your last warning.
Pipi: We’ll just be a moment. (Pipi and Koko stand, put on costumes, hat, while Mr. Barker waits. To Koko:) Remember….
(Today and tomorrow we are pleased to present Shontay Luna. You can call her work a prose poem or a microfiction, any way you think about her writing, it conveys her own POV–the Eds.)
I felt fine, then he called me. He called me every other day.
In my bliss-filled day of not hearing from him, I heard from him.
For every day he didn’t call I knew he’d do it the next day. If I
knew how to set my watch, I could do so by the punctuality of
him trying to invite me to breakfast while I sat peacefully in my
own apartment. Or other offerings of things or excursions as
methods of him trying to win me back. Conveniently bypassing
the elephant sized infidelity in the room. After turning him down
yet again, he switches tactics. Telling me that I shouldn’t be mad
anymore. Which I’m not; I felt fine before the call. But like clockwork,
I cried after talking to him. And I knew he was where I once lived,
near his phone. Smirking. The wound still fresh, the scab not
completely covered. I cried, but I don’t know why. I wasn’t angry
anymore, just tired. My soul compacting itself against me. How does
a soul compact? I don’t know, but mine did. Like an over-torturous
form of shrinking. An unconscious drilling of a matte-colored soul that
once shined. The words and names that tortured me at that residence
no longer having any hold since my exodus. As I consider if now I should
avoid him completely. But he’s their father. Whatever family event they’ll
be – birthdays, holidays, he’ll be there also. At the cost of being able to
see our kids and grands, his presence is a sacrifice I’m willing to tolerate
It wasn’t a big deal or was it? Keifer stared at the baby for a long time. Archie was sleeping, right? He put the slobbery dog toy, next to Archie’s little red ear, SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK. Archie didn’t move—not even an eyelash.
Better than his stupid fucking crying, thought Keifer. “Good boy.” Like Archie was the dog. Who always ran, like a chocolate streak, for the bedroom when Keifer trounced down the hall in his shiny paratrooper boots. It was rough being a dad when you’re seventeen.
It was hot, but after he jacked-off—all sweaty. Keifer preheated the oven to 425 degrees for a Tombstone Pizza. He sat on the couch, eating a thick slice with hot cheese and red sauce dripping on his olive green PTSD T-shirt, watching WAR movies.
The explosions, helicopters flattening the elephant grass, M-60 machine gunfire, were so loud, people walking by the dirty white bungalow, with big yellow dandelions sticking up, ducked for a second, thinking an active shooter was on the loose.
If the baby had been crying, Keifer couldn’t hear it, anyway.
CJA
(Ed note–CJA is also a great photographer and we would like to refresh the readerships’ memory with a few of our favorites by him–Leila and Dale)
When he was five years old, his mother got down on his level, as she often did. But this time, she told him something different, something he’d never heard before.
She told him he was going to spend the summer with his Grandmother.
And that she herself, his mother, would come to visit him a lot, with his father; but they also wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.
And she immediately informed him, before he panicked, that this was a good thing – NOT a bad thing, and certainly not a punishment of any kind.
She reassured him about how much both she and his father loved him (and he already knew that very well, since they had showered him with love and attention since day one).
Then she told him that he was going to stay with his grandmother for the summer because his grandmother had things to teach him that only she, his grandmother, could teach him.
He couldn’t wait to get going.
…
He wasn’t scared or nervous at all as his mother drove him north from their very modest Detroit suburb to the thumb area of Michigan, where his grandmother lived in a trailer park on the edge of a small town.
It was a town that was made up mostly of German American and French American people who almost all claimed Indian blood of some kind, usually Chippewa or Iroquois. All the small merchants of the town were former farmers who served all the many farmers who lived spread way out all around the town. It was, and is, some of the most fertile land not just in the USA, but in the world. The town was (and is) fifteen miles away from Lake Huron, one of the Great Lakes.
His grandmother was what can only be called a kind of German mystic, although no one called her that.
But they all came to her when they needed something.
Not when they needed money, because she didn’t have any of that.
But when they needed consolation, needed healing, needed advice, needed a friend, needed someone to listen to them without passing judgement, they came to her.
His mother dropped him off in front of his grandmother’s trailer with his little suitcase. She didn’t make sure he was safely inside or anything. She just picked him up, hugged him, kissed him, said goodbye, then gently put him down and shoved him toward the door of the trailer, where his grandmother was waiting inside.
And then she drove away.
…
At first he and his grandmother didn’t do anything special.
And he almost never got bored, because whenever he started getting too bored, he retreated, and entered a world that no one else around him could see. They thought he was in a trance, but he knew he was somewhere special.
It was a world of the imagination, filled with wild characters, wonderful animals, amazing adventures, the ability to literally fly wherever and whenever he wanted, and also to turn invisible and roam around, wherever and whenever he wanted to.
And they watched a lot of TV.
And she sometimes told him stories about the family, in her quiet voice, what it was like on the ship coming over from Germany, accidents or good things that had happened to people on the farm, wild and crazy things the farm animals had done, stories about weather and storms and harvests, stories about sickness and healing.
And sometimes she read to him, especially about Peter Pan and Winnie the Pooh, and even more often than that, from the Bible, stories about Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah and the Ark and the animals and the rainbow, Moses, David and Goliath, Joseph and the coat of many colors, Job and the Whirlwind, Jeremiah and the well, Jonah and the whale, Jesus and his mother, Mary, and the adventures of Paul while he was spreading the Gospel, like Johnny Appleseed in America, who she also told him all about, many times. There was only one picture on the walls of the trailer, and it was a picture of Jesus’ face. He wasn’t being crucified in the picture. In the picture, he was quietly smiling upward with mysterious eyes and a weird kind of halo light falling down behind his head onto his shoulders out of the clear blue sky.
And then one day they started planting things.
Some of the things were flowers, and other things were other, small, green plants.
And she showed him how to plant, how to dig in the soil, how to treat the plants tenderly, how to place them where they now belonged, how to put the dirt back on top, how to pack it all down snugly, but not too snugly, how to water the earth.
And they planted things all in and around the trailer park on the edge of the town.
Then one day when he was sitting on the couch looking at a Bible picture book with all the grown men with their long hair and beards, and the beautiful women in their flowing robes with their flowing, long, beautiful hair, he smelled something wonderful. It was a loaf of bread she was baking.
A little later she showed him the loaf of bread under a kitchen towel. His mouth watered and it looked wonderful.
She told him they needed to go take the bread to a man she wanted him to meet.
…
She drove slowly, cautiously, patiently, calmly, and fearlessly.
She had strong, gnarled hands, a simple bracelet on one wrist, and her long, graying, pretty hair was pulled back with a simple blue ribbon around it.
They drove for a long time.
They didn’t talk, and they were completely comfortable around one another not talking.
They both enjoyed just going, the wheels flying over the road, the farm fields all around them always with trees in the distance.
The man they were going to meet was called Old Joe.
That wasn’t his name, but it was what they called him.
Old Joe was a local legend.
He was such a local legend that stories about him had appeared in the local newspaper a few times, and even on the local TV news station one time.
He lived way out in the middle of nowhere, alone, in a shack, in the middle of a huge, vast field with trees and a river in the distance, and a few huge trees that loomed over and sheltered his shack with their leaf-filled arms.
Except he didn’t live alone.
As the boy’s grandmother pulled the car over to the side of the road by the field where the shack was way over there, she pointed, and he saw that there was a whole, huge pack of gigantic dogs lounging around on the ground around the shack.
She told him that there were at least twelve dogs.
And then he saw the goats.
The little goats were all leaping and jumping and playing and shivering with joy in the tall grass of the field. They were bumping into each other and munching and chomping on grass and little scrub trees in the field. A goat shot away from the rest of them and one of the dogs leapt up and shot after the goat and circled around it, bringing it back, and they looked like they were playing a game on the way back.
His grandmother and himself got out of the car, and started walking across the field toward the shack and the dogs and the goats on a little trail. They held hands as they went and his grandmother held the loaf of bread under her other arm, wrapped in the towel.
The dogs all came over in a pack wagging their huge tails and greeting them. The goats kept to themselves but seemed to start jumping around even more, almost like they were excited by the visitors.
But Old Joe was nowhere around.
They sat down in a couple of old, broken-down chairs that were sitting outside the shack and they waited for him in the warm sunlight as they petted the shaggy dogs and talked to the shaggy, friendly, wagging-tail dogs, and laughed and waved at the goats, some of whom started approaching them and looking at them with curious eyes before bounding away again.
And before very long they saw a man approaching them across the field from the direction of the river.
He walked slowly and steadily and when he was about half way toward where they were he raised his hand and waved at them one simple time.
When the man got to where they were, the boy was shocked, and almost terrified for a few seconds, but then just fascinated.
Old Joe wore a beat-up old black hat that came down very low almost covering his eyes. His eyes beneath the brim of the hat were the darkest, most intense eyes the boy had ever seen. The man’s nose was large and he had a gigantic mustache covering his mouth and a huge, dark, graying, tangled beard that came down to the middle of his chest. He wore a suit of old, black, tattered clothes that was dusty and filled with patches. He had old, battered boots on his feet.
And he never said a word, not even hello.
He just came over to the boy’s grandmother who handed him the loaf of bread. As Old Joe went over to take the bread into the shack, a bird swooped down out of one of the trees over the shack and landed on his shoulder. It rode his shoulder into the shack, and when Old Joe came back out of the shack, the bird flew back up into the tree again and landed in the leafy green branches.
Old Joe pulled over another old, broken-down chair from over behind the shack, and then he sat down right next to the boy. Old Joe leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and just sat there, very close to the boy, while his grandmother continued to pet the dogs and talk to them. Old Joe never said a word. Not one word.
Pretty soon the boy’s grandmother and Old Joe just looked at each other. They both had tiny, small smiles in and around their eyes. No one ever said a word.
Then the boy’s grandmother said it was time to get going. Old Joe just sat there, elbows on knees. The dogs surrounded him, like they were protecting him.
The boy and his grandmother held hands again as they walked back to the car on the little trail through the beautiful, glowing green field that was now popping with harmless grasshoppers hopping all around them.
As they drove away, she told him that Old Joe was her brother; his great-uncle.
…
There was one more thing from that summer that the boy would never forget.
He didn’t remember his grandfather, who’d died right before (right before) he was born.
She told him that his grandfather visited her almost every night (but not every night), just for a few moments.
She would know when he was about to appear because she could suddenly feel it; and then he would sit gently on the other side of her bed, the bed they had shared together, only for a few, dreamlike moments that only seemed half-real.
And he came to tell her that, though it was hard to believe, everything was (even when it wasn’t) okay: now, yesterday, tomorrow, forever, and always.
(Ed. Note: I find it sad though not at all startling when people freak out over nudity. Somehow we have been trained to hate ourselves. I’m afraid that the various churches and faiths (not all–Thelema is okay with it) are responsible for it. And like war, it has caused much in the way of pain, shame and fear. We are lucky to have smart readers, but if anyone should feel a bit “off” from viewing these, I would say that you should ask yourself why? LA)