Clown Show by Gary Beck

(Ed. Note: We are pleased to welcome back playwright Gary Beck–LA, DWB)

(Mr. Barker leads in two performers to do a clown show.)

Mr. Barker: You can get ready here, but put make up on in the bathroom. No smoking.

Koko: We don’t smoke.

Mr. Barker: No drinking.

Pipi: We don’t drink. We’re clowns! (Barker shrugs.) Like in the circus.

Mr. Barker: There’s no circus anymore.

Koko: Of course there is.

Mr. Barker: It closed over a year ago. (Koko and Pipi look at each other.) Don’t you watch the news on TV?

Pipi: What about the elephants?

Mr. Barker: They got rid of them. Probably sold them for dog food. (Koko and Pipi react. Exit Mr. Barker.)

Pipi: If there’s no circus, where do the parents take their kids?

Koko: To a museum?

Pipi: That’s no fun.

Koko: A movie?

Pipi: They watch Cable TV all the time. They need to see live shows.

Koko: Like us.

Pipi: We’re lucky that they still come to see us.

Koko: Let’s hope they like us.

Pipi: You know we’ll make them like us.

Koko: I worry that they’ll stop wanting to see clowns. What will we do then?

Pipi: There’ll always be people who want to see us.

Koko: Don’t be too sure.

Pipi: Am too.

Koko: Am not.

Pipi: Am too. (They laugh.)

(Enter Mr. Barker.)

Mr. Barker: The parents and kids are coming in now.

Koko: How old are they?

Mr. Barker A lot of younger ones today. Mostly four and five year olds. But there are older ones, eight and nine.

Koko: That’s not good.

Mr. Barker: Why not?

Koko: They’ll try to be cool in front of the younger kids and they’ll sit with their iPhones, texting with their friends.

Mr. Barker: We usually have singers or storytellers here. This is the first time we’ve had clowns, and only because our regular singer, the blue jay lady, got sick. Tell you the truth, I wanted to cancel today. I don’t think much of clowns.

Pipi: You’ll think a lot better of clowns once you see us perform.

Mr. Barker: I hope so. Let me know if you need anything.

(Exit Mr. Barker)

Koko: So here we are again, getting ready to do our show for kids who’d rather be playing video games.

Pipi: They’ll love us.

Koko: You say that every time.

Pipi: It’s our job.

Koko: It would have been easier if I was born a princess.

Pipi: Why?

Koko: Then I’d have a palace and we could invite all the kids and parents and they’d be impressed and love us.

Pipi: That’s sweet.

Koko: I can be sweet.

Pipi: I know… We’ll make them love us.

(Enter Mr. Barker)

Mr. Barker: You two better get a move on. The kids’ll start getting restless if they sit too long.

Koko: We’re preparing our mindsets.

Mr. Barker: (Suspiciously) What’s a mindset?

Pipi: It’s our way of preparing to perform.

Mr. Barker: This is getting weird. It’s bad enough that grown women should make fools of themselves clowning around….

Pipi: There’s a long tradition of women clowns.

Mr. Barker: I don’t know about that. Now get ready to go out there or you won’t get paid.

Koko: We have a contract.

Mr. Barker: Then sue me. Get moving or else.

Koko: That’s not the state to put us in just before a show.

Mr. Barker: Do you believe these girls? If you’re not ready to go in ten minutes you can do your next show in Alaska.

(Exit Mr. Barker)

Koko: (To his back.) That’s not the state I meant.

Pipi: What did you mean?

Koko: That we’re a sovereign state.

Pipi: I don’t understand.

Koko: We’re bounded on five sides by air and on one side by terrestrial matter. (Pipi looks confused.) I’ll explain.

Pipi: I’m all ears.

Koko: We are in front, back, both sides and on top, surrounded by air.

Pipi: Ah.

Koko: And our feet rest on the ground.

Pipi: Ah.

Koko: Thus! We exist before aforementioned points, a principality.

Pipi: Ah. Then we must always fear invasion.

Koko: Why?

Pipi: Well, neighbors being neighbors, we’ll always… How shall I say it? Poach?

Koko: Ah.

Pipi: Seek territorial expansion at the expense of others.

Koko: A perspicuous comment.

Pipi: You’re so clever.

Koko: Besides. We shouldn’t fear our neighbors.

Pipi: Then what?

Koko: Ask who?

Pipi: Well?

Koko: Say it.

Pipi: You’re so stubborn sometimes. (Koko is impatient). All right, all right. Who?

Koko: A president who does bad things.

Pipi: What can we do about the president?

Koko: Another perspicuous comment.

Pipi: What does perspicuous mean?

Koko: That you’re smart.

Pipi: I always knew you recognized my intelligence. (Smart song and dance.)

(Enter Mr. Barker)

Mr. Barker: I thought I told you clowns to stop fooling around and get ready.

Pipi: We are.

Mr. Barker: If you’re not out there in 5 minutes, I’ll cancel the show and give you what’s coming to you. (Starts to exit.)

Koko: We’d like to give you what’s coming to you. (Mr. Barker turns back.)

Mr. Barker: What did you say?

Pipi: Koko said you’ll appreciate the coming show.

Mr. Barker: Yeah. Right. Now get going.

Pipi: We’ll be ready in a minute or two.

Mr. Barker: You better be.

(Exit Mr. Barker)

Koko: Once again we’re being ordered around by a bully who doesn’t understand us.

Pipi: It’s only temporary.

Koko: So’s life… I’m so tired of disguising myself in order to hide from so many horrors.

Pipi: But we still please so many people, especially children.

Koko: Pleasure is fleeting. So is everything else.

Pipi: So what’s left?

Koko: Enduring until the end.

Pipi: That doesn’t sound very promising.

Koko: Promises are always broken.

Pipi: No they’re not! When I was six Mom promised to take me to the movies if I was good.

Koko: And?

Pipi: She did. She did. That proves promises aren’t always broken.

Koko: What’s a promise made to a child? Everything’s collapsing around us, despite the promises of the president to make things better. Yet we still paint our faces and put on costumes to try to stem the tide of despair.

Pipi: It’s not that bad.

Koko: It is. It is. Will our suffering never end? But no matter what, we go out there and entertain.

Pipi: It’s our job.

Koko: We should quit.

Pipi: You don’t mean that?

Koko: Why not?

Pipi: Who would make people laugh?

Koko: They’ll find somebody.

Pipi: What if they don’t?

Koko: They will.

Pipi: What if they don’t?

Koko: They’ll get along without laughter.

Pipi: They can’t!

Koko: Of course they can. Laughter’s not that important.

Pipi: You don’t mean that.

Koko: I do.

Pipi: We can’t get along without people. We need them.

(Enter Mr. Barker)

Mr. Barker: This is your last warning.

Pipi: We’ll just be a moment. (Pipi and Koko stand, put on costumes, hat, while Mr. Barker waits. To Koko:) Remember….

Koko: Laugh, clown laugh.

Pipi: Just don’t forget we’re silent clowns.

(Exit all)

Gary Beck

Arrangement in Grey and Black Nº 1 by Tony Dawson

(For fans of great art and Tony Dawson, we have something for you!-The Eds,)

This canvas of an old lady in profile

was painted in London in about 1871

and became one of the most famous

American portraits of modern times.

The artist, described as larger than life,

pursued the poetry of sight while his

contemporaries, Manet and Monet,

devoted their energies to capturing light.

The portrait of Anna only came into being

because the young girl who had been posing

for a lucrative society portrait ran away.

The austere nature of the canvas, depicting

an old woman in Puritan bonnet and dress,

the minimalist background of a Chelsea

studio with no colours other than black,

white, and grey did not impress the critics.

Probably because Victorian taste preferred

riots of colour, one went so far as to say

it wasn’t a picture. I doubt Whistler’s Mother,

as the panting is generally known, would have

agreed as she rested her feet on her stool.

Tony Dawson, 19 May 2026

(Header images is of the poet)

Where I’d Rather Be by Shontay Luna

I already live where I want to. I’m already at

where I want to be in terms to placement and

residing. A ten, fifteen minute walk down the

street I once lived. Several blocks west. A few

blocks feeling like an entire planet away; and

that’s a good thing. I’ve returned; after a twelve

month jaunt in Hyde Park. God returned me to

the neighborhood where I’ve been for the last

thirty years; but on the other side. In a space

nicer than I could ever dream of. After several

nights of opening my eyes in the darkness and

forgetting where I was, a formation of months

tinged in hurt and transformation, I can finally

say I’m at the place I’d most rather be. For that,

I’m both happy and grateful.

Shontay Luna

I Felt Fine by Shontay Luna

(Today and tomorrow we are pleased to present Shontay Luna. You can call her work a prose poem or a microfiction, any way you think about her writing, it conveys her own POV–the Eds.)

I felt fine, then he called me. He called me every other day.

In my bliss-filled day of not hearing from him, I heard from him.

For every day he didn’t call I knew he’d do it the next day. If I

knew how to set my watch, I could do so by the punctuality of

him trying to invite me to breakfast while I sat peacefully in my

own apartment. Or other offerings of things or excursions as

methods of him trying to win me back. Conveniently bypassing

the elephant sized infidelity in the room. After turning him down

yet again, he switches tactics. Telling me that I shouldn’t be mad

anymore. Which I’m not; I felt fine before the call. But like clockwork,

I cried after talking to him. And I knew he was where I once lived,

near his phone. Smirking. The wound still fresh, the scab not

completely covered. I cried, but I don’t know why. I wasn’t angry

anymore, just tired. My soul compacting itself against me. How does

a soul compact? I don’t know, but mine did. Like an over-torturous

form of shrinking. An unconscious drilling of a matte-colored soul that

once shined. The words and names that tortured me at that residence

no longer having any hold since my exodus. As I consider if now I should

avoid him completely. But he’s their father. Whatever family event they’ll

be – birthdays, holidays, he’ll be there also. At the cost of being able to

see our kids and grands, his presence is a sacrifice I’m willing to tolerate

– for now.

Shontay Luna

He’s So Quiet by Christopher J Ananias

(Images by Christopher J Ananias)

It wasn’t a big deal or was it? Keifer stared at the baby for a long time. Archie was sleeping, right? He put the slobbery dog toy, next to Archie’s little red ear, SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK. Archie didn’t move—not even an eyelash.

Better than his stupid fucking crying, thought Keifer. “Good boy.” Like Archie was the dog. Who always ran, like a chocolate streak, for the bedroom when Keifer trounced down the hall in his shiny paratrooper boots. It was rough being a dad when you’re seventeen.

It was hot, but after he jacked-off—all sweaty. Keifer preheated the oven to 425 degrees for a Tombstone Pizza. He sat on the couch, eating a thick slice with hot cheese and red sauce dripping on his olive green PTSD T-shirt, watching WAR movies.

The explosions, helicopters flattening the elephant grass, M-60 machine gunfire, were so loud, people walking by the dirty white bungalow, with big yellow dandelions sticking up, ducked for a second, thinking an active shooter was on the loose.

If the baby had been crying, Keifer couldn’t hear it, anyway.

CJA

(Ed note–CJA is also a great photographer and we would like to refresh the readerships’ memory with a few of our favorites by him–Leila and Dale)

and

CHRIS ANANIAS

and

and

CHRIS ANANIAS

The Drifter Presents Grandmother

(All images by The Drifter)

When he was five years old, his mother got down on his level, as she often did. But this time, she told him something different, something he’d never heard before.

She told him he was going to spend the summer with his Grandmother.

And that she herself, his mother, would come to visit him a lot, with his father; but they also wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.

And she immediately informed him, before he panicked, that this was a good thing – NOT a bad thing, and certainly not a punishment of any kind.

She reassured him about how much both she and his father loved him (and he already knew that very well, since they had showered him with love and attention since day one).

Then she told him that he was going to stay with his grandmother for the summer because his grandmother had things to teach him that only she, his grandmother, could teach him.

He couldn’t wait to get going.

He wasn’t scared or nervous at all as his mother drove him north from their very modest Detroit suburb to the thumb area of Michigan, where his grandmother lived in a trailer park on the edge of a small town.

It was a town that was made up mostly of German American and French American people who almost all claimed Indian blood of some kind, usually Chippewa or Iroquois. All the small merchants of the town were former farmers who served all the many farmers who lived spread way out all around the town. It was, and is, some of the most fertile land not just in the USA, but in the world. The town was (and is) fifteen miles away from Lake Huron, one of the Great Lakes.

His grandmother was what can only be called a kind of German mystic, although no one called her that.

But they all came to her when they needed something.

Not when they needed money, because she didn’t have any of that.

But when they needed consolation, needed healing, needed advice, needed a friend, needed someone to listen to them without passing judgement, they came to her.

His mother dropped him off in front of his grandmother’s trailer with his little suitcase. She didn’t make sure he was safely inside or anything. She just picked him up, hugged him, kissed him, said goodbye, then gently put him down and shoved him toward the door of the trailer, where his grandmother was waiting inside.

And then she drove away.

At first he and his grandmother didn’t do anything special.

And he almost never got bored, because whenever he started getting too bored, he retreated, and entered a world that no one else around him could see. They thought he was in a trance, but he knew he was somewhere special.

It was a world of the imagination, filled with wild characters, wonderful animals, amazing adventures, the ability to literally fly wherever and whenever he wanted, and also to turn invisible and roam around, wherever and whenever he wanted to.

And they watched a lot of TV.

And she sometimes told him stories about the family, in her quiet voice, what it was like on the ship coming over from Germany, accidents or good things that had happened to people on the farm, wild and crazy things the farm animals had done, stories about weather and storms and harvests, stories about sickness and healing.

And sometimes she read to him, especially about Peter Pan and Winnie the Pooh, and even more often than that, from the Bible, stories about Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah and the Ark and the animals and the rainbow, Moses, David and Goliath, Joseph and the coat of many colors, Job and the Whirlwind, Jeremiah and the well, Jonah and the whale, Jesus and his mother, Mary, and the adventures of Paul while he was spreading the Gospel, like Johnny Appleseed in America, who she also told him all about, many times. There was only one picture on the walls of the trailer, and it was a picture of Jesus’ face. He wasn’t being crucified in the picture. In the picture, he was quietly smiling upward with mysterious eyes and a weird kind of halo light falling down behind his head onto his shoulders out of the clear blue sky.

And then one day they started planting things.

Some of the things were flowers, and other things were other, small, green plants.

And she showed him how to plant, how to dig in the soil, how to treat the plants tenderly, how to place them where they now belonged, how to put the dirt back on top, how to pack it all down snugly, but not too snugly, how to water the earth.

And they planted things all in and around the trailer park on the edge of the town.

Then one day when he was sitting on the couch looking at a Bible picture book with all the grown men with their long hair and beards, and the beautiful women in their flowing robes with their flowing, long, beautiful hair, he smelled something wonderful. It was a loaf of bread she was baking.

A little later she showed him the loaf of bread under a kitchen towel. His mouth watered and it looked wonderful.

She told him they needed to go take the bread to a man she wanted him to meet.

She drove slowly, cautiously, patiently, calmly, and fearlessly.

She had strong, gnarled hands, a simple bracelet on one wrist, and her long, graying, pretty hair was pulled back with a simple blue ribbon around it.

They drove for a long time.

They didn’t talk, and they were completely comfortable around one another not talking.

They both enjoyed just going, the wheels flying over the road, the farm fields all around them always with trees in the distance.

The man they were going to meet was called Old Joe.

That wasn’t his name, but it was what they called him.

Old Joe was a local legend.

He was such a local legend that stories about him had appeared in the local newspaper a few times, and even on the local TV news station one time.

He lived way out in the middle of nowhere, alone, in a shack, in the middle of a huge, vast field with trees and a river in the distance, and a few huge trees that loomed over and sheltered his shack with their leaf-filled arms.

Except he didn’t live alone.

As the boy’s grandmother pulled the car over to the side of the road by the field where the shack was way over there, she pointed, and he saw that there was a whole, huge pack of gigantic dogs lounging around on the ground around the shack.

She told him that there were at least twelve dogs.

And then he saw the goats.

The little goats were all leaping and jumping and playing and shivering with joy in the tall grass of the field. They were bumping into each other and munching and chomping on grass and little scrub trees in the field. A goat shot away from the rest of them and one of the dogs leapt up and shot after the goat and circled around it, bringing it back, and they looked like they were playing a game on the way back.

His grandmother and himself got out of the car, and started walking across the field toward the shack and the dogs and the goats on a little trail. They held hands as they went and his grandmother held the loaf of bread under her other arm, wrapped in the towel.

The dogs all came over in a pack wagging their huge tails and greeting them. The goats kept to themselves but seemed to start jumping around even more, almost like they were excited by the visitors.

But Old Joe was nowhere around.

They sat down in a couple of old, broken-down chairs that were sitting outside the shack and they waited for him in the warm sunlight as they petted the shaggy dogs and talked to the shaggy, friendly, wagging-tail dogs, and laughed and waved at the goats, some of whom started approaching them and looking at them with curious eyes before bounding away again.

And before very long they saw a man approaching them across the field from the direction of the river.

He walked slowly and steadily and when he was about half way toward where they were he raised his hand and waved at them one simple time.

When the man got to where they were, the boy was shocked, and almost terrified for a few seconds, but then just fascinated.

Old Joe wore a beat-up old black hat that came down very low almost covering his eyes. His eyes beneath the brim of the hat were the darkest, most intense eyes the boy had ever seen. The man’s nose was large and he had a gigantic mustache covering his mouth and a huge, dark, graying, tangled beard that came down to the middle of his chest. He wore a suit of old, black, tattered clothes that was dusty and filled with patches. He had old, battered boots on his feet.

And he never said a word, not even hello.

He just came over to the boy’s grandmother who handed him the loaf of bread. As Old Joe went over to take the bread into the shack, a bird swooped down out of one of the trees over the shack and landed on his shoulder. It rode his shoulder into the shack, and when Old Joe came back out of the shack, the bird flew back up into the tree again and landed in the leafy green branches.

Old Joe pulled over another old, broken-down chair from over behind the shack, and then he sat down right next to the boy. Old Joe leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and just sat there, very close to the boy, while his grandmother continued to pet the dogs and talk to them. Old Joe never said a word. Not one word.

Pretty soon the boy’s grandmother and Old Joe just looked at each other. They both had tiny, small smiles in and around their eyes. No one ever said a word.

Then the boy’s grandmother said it was time to get going. Old Joe just sat there, elbows on knees. The dogs surrounded him, like they were protecting him.

The boy and his grandmother held hands again as they walked back to the car on the little trail through the beautiful, glowing green field that was now popping with harmless grasshoppers hopping all around them.

As they drove away, she told him that Old Joe was her brother; his great-uncle.

There was one more thing from that summer that the boy would never forget.

He didn’t remember his grandfather, who’d died right before (right before) he was born.

She told him that his grandfather visited her almost every night (but not every night), just for a few moments.

She would know when he was about to appear because she could suddenly feel it; and then he would sit gently on the other side of her bed, the bed they had shared together, only for a few, dreamlike moments that only seemed half-real.

And he came to tell her that, though it was hard to believe, everything was (even when it wasn’t) okay: now, yesterday, tomorrow, forever, and always.

There were no fences anywhere.

The Drifter

Nude Studies by Dreck: (Please Do Not Involve Yourself if You Are Freaked Out By Naked Women)

(Ed. Note: I find it sad though not at all startling when people freak out over nudity. Somehow we have been trained to hate ourselves. I’m afraid that the various churches and faiths (not all–Thelema is okay with it) are responsible for it. And like war, it has caused much in the way of pain, shame and fear. We are lucky to have smart readers, but if anyone should feel a bit “off” from viewing these, I would say that you should ask yourself why? LA)

Artwork by Dreck

Report from a Burning Planet: Chicagoland, USA, July, 2026; or Cabin Fever by Dr. Dale W. Barrigar

“Buck did not read the newspapers, or he would have known that trouble was brewing…” – Jack London, The Call of the Wild

I realized recently how much I love going outside when I couldn’t go outside.

I couldn’t go outside because I live in Chicagoland, and the other day we had, by far, the worst air quality in the world. The AQI was at nine hundred million billion zillion or some such number.

The air was truly toxic and as soon as you stepped outside, as soon as you stepped outside, you knew it.

It was like a yellow and grayish toxic fog of smudge filling the air everywhere that made your lungs burn. The dogs, too, started coughing. You literally could not stay outside unless wearing a mask, and last time I checked, dogs can’t wear masks, thus, you had to take them out quickly to do their business (if you have dog/s) and then right back inside.

It was wildfires from Canada, hundreds of miles away, that were causing this dystopian, toxic situation.

The smoke blew down from there to here, mixed with the city air and the 105-degree F “real feel” temperature, and created the toxic air.

Even the professional baseball games were canceled. All the Lake Michigan beaches (28 straight miles of free public beaches in the city of Chicago alone) were closed.

I am not a person who needs a mountaintop, a seashore, or a desert on a daily basis, although I have been known to travel to those kinds of places frequently in the past, and I go down to visit Lake Michigan pretty frequently. (Lake Michigan is 307 miles long and 118 miles wide at its widest, with a maximum depth of over 900 feet: i.e., an inland sea, connected to four other inland seas and forming the Earth’s largest fresh water system, or 20% of the world’s surface fresh water. There will be a lot of people trying to move to this area by the end of the century.)

But all I need on a daily basis is some trees (or even one tree), some flowers, some grass (or snow in winter), a few parks, or the local, humble forest preserves, which look modest and are actually filled to overflowing with such creatures as: frogs, toads, snakes, turtles, bees, beetles, butterflies, dragonflies, praying mantises, other insects, hawks, herons, ducks, geese, song birds, other birds, deer, coyotes, raccoons, opossums, squirrels, skunks, rabbits, river otters, muskrats, and even some beavers. And even the fish in the river must’ve been coughing during the latest Toxic-Sludge-Air Event. (Hemingway roamed this area as a teenager and John Wayne Gacy dumped bodies into this river 25 miles upstream which, to me, shows the best and the worst of humanity all coming together at the river.)

And when you can’t go outside, you start to get cabin fever. (Or: when I can’t go outside, I start to get cabin fever.)

Cabin fever usually denotes not being able to go outside because it’s too cold and there’s too much wind and snow; but now it also means not being able to go outside because when you do, it makes your eyes and your lungs burn, your hair and clothes smell like smoke, your healthy adult dogs cough, and the fact that it’s hard to breathe out there starts giving you the fantods (and the heebie-jeebies) because there’s an onslaught of toxic particles infesting your lungs and eyes – literally, seriously; like something out of an H.P. Lovecraft horror story (not exaggerating here) and that self-admitted weird guy could really make up some creepy stuff. Weird Tales, indeed.

If you start feeling like you’re in the middle of an H.P. Lovecraft short story and it’s real life, do something!

I suggest putting your mind above it all, like Jesus on the cross (even though there’s also a time to shout out, “Why have you forsaken me!?”).

Sitting Bull used to sit down in the middle of bullets whizzing all around his head, pack his pipe calmly, and sit there smoking his pipe, calmly, while all the bullets continued whizzing around his head.

No one knows why, but all the bullets missed, all of the times, except once when he was younger, and at the end.

And I realized that when I can’t go outside, I start to go insane.

Then we had a Noah’s Ark and the Rainbow moment here.

I woke up today and the sky was blue and clear, and the air was okay again, just like that: and the temperature was perfect enough at a “real feel” of just 90 degrees F.

When I was a little kid, about fifty years ago (I’m 59 now), 90 degrees F was VERY HOT and very rare.

Now it’s normal for a midsummer day here in the middle of the American Midwest in the middle of North America. Just like tornadoes and floods are much more common here in Illinois now, and in the wintertime we sometimes get a thing called “thundersnow” (thunder storms and snow simultaneously) which is a thing that did not even exist around here at all when I was a kid. The first time I saw it I was so flabbergasted and amazed that I felt like Moses on a mountaintop being shown the Burning Bush almost.

And I still love, as do my dogs, going outside.

Crucial Dog Notes: I have the dogs for a literal multitude of reasons, one of them being that I don’t get along with the vast majority of herd humanity very well on a face-to-face basis most of the time because they give me the fantods and the heebie-jeebies (the people I do get along with I get along with fine, and very well, usually) which is why I always appear to be running away from people or hiding and lurking behind doors, like Emily Dickinson; or faithfully wearing my sunglasses, like Lightnin’ Hopkins or Jeffrey Lebowski; and another of those huge, crucial reasons is that we all love going outside together so much.

END NOTE: The wildfire smoke is back today (but not as bad).

Dr. Dale W. Barrigar

(Images by DWB)

Goodbye Everybody and Hello by Dale Barrigar

(The images by Dale Barrigar)

The Dream Songs have given me more pleasure than any other poems I have ever read.” – Nick Cave

The American poet John Berryman (1914 – 1972), author of The Dream Songs, once famously said that he wished to be given cancer because it would test him.

In the context of the full quotation, one can tell that he was probably being metaphorical and even ironic.

But he was also not kidding. Because that’s the kind of guy he was.

Berryman, who was a severe, chain-smoking alcoholic with a bad case of Bipolar Disorder (known as Manic Depression while he lived), was a badass.

Too many people in our global society today, as in far, far, far too many millions or even billions of people, are far too soft. They are far too soft, too enormously large, too enormously corpulent, gigantic, obese, overflowing, slow, flaccid, slow-moving, slow-thinking, spreading, steady, useless, entitled people.

If they were all attacked by a single samurai warrior they would be toast.

Not all heavy, or even enormously fat, people are lazy, despite all the stereotyping that goes on. John Belushi, John Candy, Chris Farley, Harold Bloom, Marlon Brando, Elvis Presley, Orson Welles, Madame Blavatsky, Shakespeare’s Falstaff, all were or became enormously fat folks.

And they had energy; they had life; they had spark; they had liveliness; they had chutzpa; they had attitude; they possessed what one needs to be and become (a process that never stops) who one is.

But too many enormously overweight people have let themselves go, are addicted to poison food and sugary beverages, and they don’t move enough, and what’s more, they don’t want to move – ever. Or barely.

John Berryman leapt to his death from a bridge over the Mississippi River in Minnesota at the age of 57 years. He was massively, manically depressed, totally intoxicated, utterly drunk, woefully strung out, completely burned out, and totally done when he did so.

Hart Crane, the American poet (born on the SAME DAY as Hemingway, July 21, 1899, exactly one-hundred-and-twenty-seven years and two days ago from today) leapt from a ship into the Gulf of Mexico at the age of thirty-two and was never heard from again.

Right before he did so, he happily shouted out to a bunch of travelers, “Goodbye everybody!” They all knew who he was and some of them weren’t even surprised.

He too, at the time of his death, was manically depressed, intoxicated, drunk, strung out, burned out, and done. He went out with a bang, not a whimper – like Berryman, Hemingway, Sylvia Plath, Hunter S. Thompson, Vincent Van Gogh, Kurt Cobain, Chris Cornell, Anthony Bourdain, and many other artists, near-artists, and sensitive souls in the world’s history. Having been suicidal myself in the past, I know it’s almost always what should really be called a kind of accident. (And I believe that God catches these people when they fall for the final time, NOT sends them to hell.)

Berryman’s famous magnum opus The Dream Songs helped establish and create what was and is called “confessional poetry,” which is both a good and a bad name for what it tries to describe.

Berryman’s book is oftentimes awfully overwritten. Frequently, one can tell that Berryman was, without doubt, blasted out of his mind when he wrote this stuff, like William Faulkner when William Faulkner wrote much of his (later) stuff. Gabriel Garcia Marquez once pointed out (from personal experience) that it was really good to write while you were drinking because it freed the mind and inspired the writer – but only up to a certain point. Once a person is too blasted on anything (whether it be benzos, weed, booze, cocaine, all of the above, or whatever), the writing is sure to suffer, and sometimes it will take a dive straight into the toilet, depending on how blasted the writer is.

Sometimes, when Berryman wrote, he was far too blasted, on booze and pills; and it’s obvious.

But the highly flawed Dream Songs is still a landmark in twentieth century American poetry. It’s one of those often-unreadable books that everyone should have on a shelf. See Dream Song #107 for a wonderful poem about a drunk writer’s encounter with the wonderful animal called the raccoon, which deeply characterizes not just the raccoons but the writer.

And Berryman (though he could very, very often be seen just lying around, at least half the time) was not a lazy, soft, snarky, sarcastic, useless, entitled person.

He was a badass!

Crucial End NOTE: The term “badass,” like the word “cool,” both originated in their current form/s within the African American jazz culture of the 1940s. Those folks were badass/es; and they were totally cool.

John Berryman, like Hart Crane before him, was hugely influenced by jazz and blues. Berryman’s book The Dream Songs could not, and would not, have been written without his love of jazz and blues, which inspired the form/s, the spirit/s, and the meaning/s of his poems, as he himself so often admitted and said, and preached and talked about.

Dale Barrigar

What a Poet Is or Who by Dale Barrigar

(Images by Dale Barrigar)

The American poet Ted Berrigan (1934 – 1983) said (wrote), “I don’t feel / a necessity for being a mature person in this world. I mean / all the grown-ups in this world, they’re just playing house, all / poets know that.”

Among other questions this beautifully plain-spoken quotation raises, it raises the question of what, or who, a (real) poet is.

A guy who (sometimes) calls himself “The Drifter” (because he synthesized Samuel Johnson’s “The Rambler” and “The Idler”) came up with an answer for this.

He broke it down into three simple parts (or things) – or requirements.

One: a modern poet cannot be, cannot be, CANNOT BE, a cheerleader for The System, not matter what system you mean.

The modern poet MUST BE, must be, must be, an outsider; in one form or another.

Wallace Stevens was a married insurance executive with a kid (and a house) and he still managed to live as one of the most profound lone wolves North America has ever seen. And when it comes to lone wolves, America is second to none.

Secondly, the poet must have an original vision. Many poets have been literally blind, starting with the very first known and named modern poet (in the West) of all, Homer.

Their inner visions were so intense and so original that they lost their outer sight.

That is what the Homeric myth of outer blindness and inner seeing really means.

Next, the poet must be able to say what they see.

Not to a billion-plus people all at once. Once it gets to that level (or even a million) poetry has turned into propaganda. Donald Trump used to be able to give some wickedly effective “poetry” readings about immigrants being snakes. But these readings were propaganda in the form of (simplistic) poetry; they were not “real” poetry.

The poet must be able to say what they see that no one else sees.

BEING A POET HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH USING FANCY WORDS OR “PRETTY” VOCABULARY (although almost all good poets have a wickedly large vocabulary).

Real poetry is about ELEVATED LANGUAGE and the circumstances that rightfully call for elevated language; and that does not mean elevated language is pretty.

Elevated Language is often harsh; very plainspoken; savagely angry; obscene; heartbreaking; hilarious; haunting.

Elevated Language is always intense, but very-much oftentimes, intensity comes in a whisper.

Much or most of the best poetry is AWKWARD, at least until you get used to it. (Awkward, NOT “pretty.”)

And its intensity is often calm, quiet, whispering, mumbling, clipped, pungent, brief, startling, something on the wind over the waters: memorable.

Marlon Brando mumbling on screen in some of his best roles is kind of like poetry. He can do it so well you don’t even know he’s faking it: maybe because he wasn’t (quite) faking it (he was bringing it up from a real place inside himself).

An outsider with an original vision who can communicate that vision to at least one other person in words because the right words make you think and feel more deeply, privately (not publicly): that’s what a real poet is and what real poetry (and who a real poet) is.

Dale Barrigar