Simon Collinson

Next day Delivery by Simon Collison

(We are pleased to bring back Simon today!–Leila)

When did they say they’ll deliver? It’ll come via Whamo, Everoo or Yuffle. Lucklily We’re members of the mega store where you can have it all.

It should be next day delivery, I’ve got gold membership.

Yeah they should do, they’re usually good at bringing stuff.

We’re just waiting to find out what our delivery slot will be.

Great, It’s going to be between 10 and 1 pm.

You see we’re waiting for our new baby to be delivered. It’s as easy as having your clothes or packages from far away sent to you.

We’ve ordered it off Babies 4U. We’ve read the reviews.

It’s brilliant not having to carry a baby around for months and feeling sick and getting all cravings and not having to go into labour and hours of pain to deliver a baby in hospital. There’s no need for scans. There’s no having to go to ante natal classes, or waiting for your waters to break, no midnight calls for an ambulance.

Now you can just wait in the comfort of your home, or not. Some go away for the day to work or on a visit, as long as there is someone in the house to sign for the package.

They used to say it was the storks who brought babies. Now we know it’s the drones.

The drones deliver everything. They’re always flying around her next door. Her house is like a hive. There are many drones buzzing around delivering her daily dozen pairs of shoes.

At Babies 4U you can just go for the basic model, but most people upgrade to a non crying, non throwing up, non teething trouble, non terrible two’s model. And definitely no colic.

If you’re not happy you can always send it back the service does return too.

Gary’s mums not happy, she says babies should be conceived, carried and delivered naturally, parents should learn to take the rough with the smooth,

Good job the drones do pick ups as well. Gary’s mum is due to be picked up in a few weeks for recycling. There’ll be four drones on that job. It’s comforting to know all her organs will go to a good home.

We’ve already ordered a nice headstone for Gary’s mum. It’ll arrive a few days after she’s been taken away. Of course it’ll take dozens of drones to fly that thing in.

We ordered the baby six months ago. Everything is so quick and convenient, none of that messing around, you can just get on with your life. It only takes a few seconds to order.

We plan to call it Gill. With this order we get 20% off our usual monthly grocery bill with some scented candles and a free phone thrown in.

They’re all fitted with tracking devices and are chipped with anti delinquency devices. Babies 4U provide sixteen years warranty and they are guaranteed to get 10 A* grade GCSE’s.

We don’t have to worry about how they will turn out because everyone who orders a child from Baby 4U knows exactly how they will turn out – perfect. Which is nice.

We just need to order more food, clothing and wipes for the new edition, good job we’ve got several cleaning robots to take care of the messes.

If things go smoothly we’ll order another one in three months as we’ll be wanting a Jack to go with Gill. We plan to get a third one ordered because we’ll be able to get a free Damante dinner set delivered.

We’ve always dreamed of owning one of those.

Simon Collinson

The Ghost and I by Simon Collinson

(One more by Mr. Collinson.  We look forward to his next visit–LA)

How long do you mourn a ghost?

Is a year or two too long?

Try three, for it was three years ago,

she left me and disappeared,

and now she’s become a ghost that fills the silence,

they say I should move on, forget the past,

and let go of the ghost,

that’s easier said than done, when you’re clinging to a ghost,

it’s like I’m going out with a ghost,

a ghost that’s with me every day,

any where I go I see her, waving and smiling,

she’s present in the laughter and scent of every room i enter,

always there in my memory, the past is real and alive,

the present is an illusion, like a dream of the dead,

they say I need to focus on the present,

but the ghost, you see, she won’t let me,

I won’t let me,

the ghost and I won’t let go of one another,

she’s my shadow,

becoming inseparable,

always the ghost and I,

wherever I go, the ghost goes as well,

together walking through the past,

I hesitate to walk on without her,

I won’t let go of the ghost,

can’t move on, like I’m trapped,

a million times they say it cannot be, it cannot be,

yet the ghost is still here with me,

like I’m shackled to a ghost,

blocking everything, but the past and the ghost,

today I’m here, still with the ghost,

you see there are some ghosts,

you can’t simply shake off and send away,

like the ghost that I haunt everyday.

Simon Collinson

Uneasy Evening by Simon Collinson

On nights like this, when your head’s hounded by bells and hissing howls, watch out, watch out, be on your guard. Tonight it’s out and about, they say something malicious and vicious slithers your way. Is there something wrong with the lights? You’d better make sure all the doors are locked and secure, for there’s something lurking nearby, as close as scissor legs, closer than you dare to think, near enough to nick the hairs quivering upon your neck.

What was that? Have you counted all the knives? Make sure you count them again.

There’s a shadow curling up from the floor, waiting for you to take forty winks as you listen to that muffled scream, it’ll be with you soon. So it’s nighty night, please don’t let the ravenous rats bite, many unpleasant dreams will herald the hour of your doom.

Simon Collinson

Decadence by Simon Collinson

(Ed Note-For the next four days we will be pleased to debut Simon Collinson. We would have sooner but the first five poems he submitted to us were swooped by other publishers before we got a look at them. Poetry can be a cut throat business on occasion!-But we are glad to have four to present. And although they are short, we feel that even the tiniest work–even that shorter than the preceding Ed. Note- deserves its own day, provided such has been earned,. We feel such is the case, and more than once,with Simon–Leila)

Near the year’s ending

like walking past

moss ridden, rotten walls,

that’s withered,

weathered and worn,

so weary, tired,

tottering and teetering,

just waiting to fall.

Simon Collinson