Freddy the Syrian Hamster by Sam Kandej Syrian hamsters can live up to three years. ONLY three years. Just imagine: you adopt a baby hamster when he’s two or three months old in 2026, and then he’s a senior in 2028. I don’t want to talk about his death, as this story is NOT a sad one. I adopted Freddy when he was three months old. My younger brother had bought him from a local pet store for only a pound, but he soon lost interest in poor Freddy as if a hamster were a lifeless toy. “I’ll take care of Freddy from now on. I won’t let you mistreat him, dummy.” I slammed my bedroom door hard enough to be heard by everyone in the house. Freddy was not my first pet. Before him, I had a nice rabbit named Alice. We let her live with her own species in a city park after six months of living with us. She was chewing everything, and we couldn’t afford to fix the damage. Before Alice, we had a miniature turtle. He was small and cute—perfectly pocket-sized. We decided to do him a favor and release him back into the wild. A nice, still pond was the plan. But my dumb 12-year-old brother chucked him straight into a fast-moving river. “Whyyy?” I screamed. My brother just stared at the churning water, looking confused. “Don’t turtles live in water? I saw it in a documentary.” “They’re big turtles. Big!” I could already picture our tiny turtle being swept away forever. “Our turtle WAS miniature. YOU killed Lucky.” One night at around two in the morning, I felt a tiny hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw Freddy standing right behind me. “Hey! You forgot to feed me tonight? Are you going to punish me for making noise at night? Or is it because your girl dumped you?” “Freddy? Are you speaking? Why is your voice so loud for a small figure like you?” Freddy turned red and shouted at me, “Are ya going to feed me, or should I cook something myself?” “Can you also cook?” I asked, ready to believe everything. “Of course I can’t. But I’m sure I could if I wanted to. I’m way smarter than you, halfwit!” He spoke rudely, staring right into my eyes. I wasn’t sure if this was a dream or what, but to be honest, I was enjoying it. A talking, unruly hamster is certainly a necessity in everyone’s home. “What would you like to eat, Freddy?” I asked, unwilling to leave my bed. “Let’s start with nuts first. I also want my scrambled egg ready in half an hour.” “Or?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. “Or you’ll face the consequences.” “Freddy, don’t threaten me! I’m way older than you.” “You’re just a dummy! Now get your small ass moving. I want some nuts right now, right here. Can you understand English, or do you want me to say it in Spanish and German, too?” I felt both shocked and impressed. Shocked because my cute Freddy had turned into a scary thug, and impressed because he could speak three languages. I once tried to learn German but gave up after two months. I gave Freddy some nuts, scrambled egg, and sunflower seeds that night. Freddy let me go back to sleep at 5:30 after giving me a long lecture on the importance of feeding pets moderately and frequently. I listened very carefully because I didn’t want to piss him off. Freddy was only ten centimeters tall but had a dominant, strong-willed character. I couldn’t say no to him. Every night, he kept me awake ordering different stuff to eat and drink. Sometimes I would sit and eat something with him. Fruits and nuts were our favorites. With Freddy’s help and determination, I learned to speak Spanish fluently in eight months. Freddy was indeed a very good teacher, but sometimes he would smack me hard to make sure I took my lessons seriously. On New Year’s Eve, Freddy let me know he’d decided to make his biggest dream come true—visiting some Asian countries. I really didn’t want him to go, but he wasn’t my captive. Unfortunately, we cannot lock our loved ones in a cage. Uh, Freddy, I miss you! It’s been a year since you left us to see the world. Freddy has sent postcards from China, South Korea, Japan, and Thailand. He writes to me about his adventures and the girls he’s met in recent months. Two days ago, in an email, he mentioned that he might decide to stay in Southeast Asia for good. And I wrote back that I just want him to be happy wherever he is. Now that Freddy is not home, I feel lonely and isolated once again. Sometimes I miss him so much that I stay up the entire night eating Freddy’s favorite snacks. I wish him all the best and a very long, healthy life.

Same Kandej

(The images are of Fang (the brown fellow) and Rags, circa 1972, plotting as always. They were lovely boys who were together for seventeen years; I am sure they would have approved of Freddy the Syrian Hamster–Leila)