The Red Square on My Finger by Paul Kimm

I know she’s going to say it’s silly, and I’m being silly, but there is a square on my finger, on the top right of my right-hand index finger, just under the nail, to the side, a little red square. It’s not from a scar, or any kind of cut, because I’ve done nothing to cut myself, and it’s not from any kind of pressure either, as I haven’t been holding anything for long periods, or anything heavy, so the red square is from nothing I’ve done. Anyway, it’s not even a filled in square, but an outline in red, as though someone has meticulously taken a red biro and, whilst I was asleep, or not paying attention, has somehow managed to paint or draw this perfect red outline of a tiny square, no more than three or four millimetres in size, on the top of my right index finger, just below the nail. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that I don’t know where it’s come from, it just appeared there a couple of days ago, it’s completely smooth, won’t wash off, and hasn’t changed colour or anything like that, just a red square on my finger. I haven’t mentioned it to her yet, and I know it’ll somehow annoy her, but I have to bring it up at some point, and am a little surprised she hasn’t noticed it and asked what the red square on my finger is, or more likely asked me why I’ve drawn a red square on my right index finger, but I’ll raise it tonight over dinner. It’s my turn to cook, so if I make an effort, then she might be more receptive to talking about the square on my finger. That’s it, I’ll go to the supermarket, buy food she likes, cook that, and then after dinner, just casually bring up the red square.

In the supermarket I’m careful to choose foods she likes, but also foods that can’t be accused of causing the red square. I mean she likes a three bean chilli, but kidney beans come in a tin, and opening the lid could cause pressure and leave a mark, then there is the red of the beans, and the thick liquid they come in, not to mention the same with a tin of chopped tomatoes, the fresh red chillies, the seasoning, a lot of which is reddish too, so making a three bean chilli is too risky, and whilst I’ve never seen a red square on my finger before when cooking a chilli, it could be decided that’s what it came from, and my claims that it was already there would be most likely dismissed, so that’s off the menu. So is beetroot, so no feta and beetroot salad as a starter, nothing with tomatoes, nothing that requires a tin opener, or too much chopping for that matter, and nothing with any kind of red seasoning, and so the more I walk around the aisles the more I seem to be crossing ideas off the list. In the end I settle for a pre-made vegetable soup that comes in a plastic tub, with some fresh sourdough bread, already sliced and packed, and then for the main a salad, as she does like salad with soup, but one in a ready to serve pack with lettuce, grated carrot, and sweetcorn, for which I can rustle up a dressing with what we’ve got in. The good thing is nothing is red, or in a tin, or needs chopping or seasoning with anything red, so none of it could cause a red square on a finger.

By the time I get back home, I’m not sure where all the time has gone, being sure I’d left the house early afternoon, but it seems the time in the supermarket stretched to a couple of hours, so I need to start getting the dinner ready as we like to eat early, no later than five really. The problem is, and I should have remembered, but we are out of olive oil and mustard, two of the things I’d hoped to mix, with a squeeze of lemon juice and salt, to make the dressing for the salad, but now need to think of something else. In the cupboard there is only soy sauce and some apple cider vinegar, and then in the basket where have we have our collection of dry seasoning there is black and white pepper, some pink Himalaya salt and a bunch of other dry spices, many of them red, which I can’t use. In the end I mix some soy sauce, vinegar, black pepper, and lemon juice from the plastic container shaped like a lemon and stir it with my finger, and then taste. I figure it’s good enough for the salad, but then realise I’ve used my finger with the red square to do this, and can’t believe I’ve forgotten it was there, but see that the skin is fine, and there is just a little sliver of brown from the dressing under the nail, but the red square on my finger is still completely clear to see. I can still tell her about it after we’ve eaten.

We eat, as we always do, or seem to always do nowadays, and I’m not sure when we started, in front of the television, watching a cooking show of some kind, watching people preparing food, tasting it, commenting on it, whilst we eat ours, that we’ve just prepared, and we might say something about our own food, but say more about the dishes on the screen, how they look nice, whilst we fork or spoon in what we’ve got, almost as though were eating two meals, the ones on our laps, and the ones on our screens, and sometimes I can’t tell what I’m tasting, and the soup and salad we have on our trays could be the dishes on the screen almost, because those are the ones we look at, just not the ones we eat.

‘Did you enjoy the dinner?’

‘Yes, nice and simple, just perfect.’

‘Sorry it wasn’t a three-bean chilli. I know that’s one of your favourites.’

‘Not at all. Soup and a salad with that lovely bread. That was perfect. That dressing was lovely as well, different but really nice.’

‘Ah, I forgot to get more olive oil and mustard in. I will tomorrow.’

‘No worries, will you go in the morning with me when I go to work? I can drop you off if you like.’

‘Ok, thank you. There is a reason I didn’t make the three-bean chilli though.’

When I tell her about the red square on my finger she puts her tray on the coffee table, and then takes mine and does the same, and puts her arms around me, and we cuddle in, her hands rub up and down my back and she tells me over and over that it’s fine, saying my name a lot, repeating the same words, but not asking me anything about the square, just saying ‘Oh, it’s fine love’, as she squeezes me, and I want to ask her what she thinks it’s from, how the square got there, but she holds me in closer, tightly, almost like she doesn’t want me to speak about it, and when I motion to say something she repeats the same words, and this goes on for a few minutes, and I’m grateful she’s not annoyed that I’ve done something stupid with my finger, and we enjoy holding each other, so I decide to not ask about it at all, and a few moments after I’ve decided this, we break off our cuddle, and she says she’ll doing the washing up. We pause the cooking programme, take the trays into the kitchen, and she tells me to go and sit back down and we’ll watch their desserts after she’s finished.

She wakes me up in the morning so I’m ready to get a lift to the supermarket on her way to work. It’s not much out of her way, but she might drop me off at the corner just down from the railway crossing so she can keep going without making a detour, and that’s completely fine I say, but she asks me if I’ll remember the way to the supermarket from there, and even though I tell that I will, she asks me to tell her the directions from that corner to the supermarket, and I describe the few minute walk to the crossing, where the tattoo shop is right next to the crossing, then after it you turn right, and the supermarket is just on left a few more minutes down, before you reach the train station, and she tells me that’s good, but then asks me how many minutes in total, and I answer five or six, and then she recounts for me the directions I’ve just given, and asks me again if I’m sure I won’t forget, and I tell her, I won’t, I’ve done it a million times, and there is no need to worry.

To change the topic I ask what she’d like for dinner, and she says a three bean chilli would be nice for the end of the week, and I tell her I hadn’t realised it was Friday already, but then I remember the red square on my finger, and I don’t want her to think, when I get round to telling her about this red square that’s appeared, that she thinks it’s from the chilli, or from the kidney beans, or even opening a tin of beans or chopped tomatoes, so I ask her if she just fancies something simple and quick like a soup and salad, with some nice bread for a change, and in a quiet voice she says that’ll be fine, and adds to not forget to buy some mustard and olive oil, for the dressing, and I say yes, I’ll make our usual salad dressing that she likes, and when she drops me off on the corner, just down from the crossing, she asks me if I’m sure I won’t forget the way to the supermarket and, and I say I’m completely fine, I remember the way, and I also won’t forget the oil and mustard because I don’t want to make the three bean chilli and that’s how I’ll remember to get soup and salad, but I don’t tell her that part.

As I approach the railway crossing the signal starts to whir and blink, and so I wait for the barrier to slide down wondering if it’ll be one train or two and how long I’ll be waiting to cross. It could be more than a five-minute wait, so I look in the tattoo shop window just next to the crossing for something to do whilst waiting for the one or two trains to pass. The display has sheets of white paper with designs of black-outlined dragons, roses, hearts, snarling tigers, topless mermaids sitting on rocks, ships, jumping fish, unfurled scrolls with a variety of names on them, all in the same curling script, and collections of football club emblems, all in lurid, hypnotising colours, bold greens, blues, and reds, yellows, purples, that are all beautiful and bright, vivid caricatures of reality, of life. The barrier stops whirring, and as I turn my eyes away from the window display, someone comes out of the shop.

‘Back again?’

‘Sorry?’

‘I said, ‘back again’. Are you wanting another square? Perhaps a triangle or a circle this time?’

‘I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.’

‘Aha, it hasn’t worked then, has it?’

‘What hasn’t worked?’

‘Never mind, pal. Your missus said it might do something.’

‘My missus?’

‘It’s alright, mate. She was doubtful anyway. I shouldn’t have said anything. All the best to you.’

He goes back into his shop, and I hurry over the railway crossing, take the right turn down towards the train station, the supermarket being on the left down that road before you reach the station, and I’m there within two minutes, so I get a trolley from one of the rows outside, and enter the supermarket, take a breath, as I’ve got there fast, and then I comb up and down the aisles to get something suitable for dinner, something that won’t raise suspicion, something that couldn’t cause redness or any kind of indent on my skin, no tins, or anything like that, avoid red foods; beetroot, even though she likes it, especially with feta cheese, and I definitely won’t buy any chillies, so I can’t make her favourite meal just yet, not until I’ve told her, and I need to make sure that she couldn’t think it’s from something else, that it’s definitely unusual, so I opt for a plastic tub of store brand vegetable soup, that’ll go well with the ready sliced sourdough they have, so all I need is a nice salad, not one with anything red in it of course, but maybe some lettuce, grated carrot, and I’ll make the dressing at home, with the olive oil and mustard we’ve got in already, that I’ll mix with a little bit of lemon juice, and a quick pinch of salt, so dinner will be a lovely soup and salad, and she likes that, even though we don’t have it that often. And, I realise it’s got later than I expected, it’s after one, but still gives me lots of time to get home and make the dinner; a dinner which can’t cause any redness, so that I can tell her about the red square, just the outline of a square, that has appeared on the top of my right hand finger, out of nowhere, that she’ll probably say I’m being silly about, that she may get annoyed about, and say it’s from opening a tin, or chopping something, but I need to tell her, so after the nice dinner, I’ll just bring it up like it’s nothing, the red square on my finger.

Paul Kimm

(Image is of Mr. Kimm)

Hair like David Sylvian by Paul Kimm

A jumbled mosaic of magazine cuttings, pull-out posters, sliced up singles covers, newspaper spreads, stretched across Paul’s wall. All the bands were there: The Human League, Flock of Seagulls, Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran, and, of course, Japan. Taking pride of place in the approximate centre of the sprawl was David Sylvian, Japan’s lead singer. David Sylvian holding a guitar, lent back, with swirls of street smoke swirling behind him. Wearing a double-breasted suit, with silver buttons, lipstick, eye shadow, foundation, and looking into the distance on his right. His hair, a huge wave of side-parted, blonde, combed floss, molded into a mass that lifts from all sides, covering his ears, cascading in a thick, purposeful fringe down to his eyebrows, slightly covering his right eye. David Sylvian was the best-looking man in the world and Paul wanted hair just like his.

Paul peeled a smaller photo clipping of Japan’s lead singer, a headshot with the same abundance of hair, from the wall. He rubbed the tiny blobs of BluTack off the back, rolled them into a single piece, pressed it on the wall in the small, empty square where the picture had been. He then slid the precious photo into his pocket and went downstairs.

‘Mum, can I have that four quid?’

‘I’ll have to give you a fiver, so bring me the change. What time is your appointment?’

‘It’s now, in ten minutes.’

‘Well, you’ll have to go in your uniform then. You’ve no time to change.’

At the moment Paul reached to take the five-pound note from his mother, his father walked into the kitchen.

‘What’s he got a fiver for?’

‘He’s off for a haircut. Round at Sandra’s.’

‘Ooh, off for a haircut, eh? Do you want to take a bowl with you for her to cut round?’

‘No. I’m getting it cut like David Sylvian.’

‘Who the bloody hell is David Sylvian?’

Paul retrieved the fragile picture from his pocket and held it out.

‘He’s the lead singer of Japan. He was voted the best-looking man in the world.’

His dad rested his left palm on the countertop, his right hand on his hip, and bent over double, almost touching the floor with his forehead, letting out a room rumbling laugh.

‘Man alive! He was what? Voted best-looking man on Earth? Oh my days! That’s bloody brilliant that is!’

‘Give me the photo back, dad. I have to go.’

‘Voted best-looking man in the world, was he? Bloody hell! If you held a competition for best-looking man in your bedroom, and you were the only voter, you still wouldn’t flaming win it! Classic. Absolutely bloody classic.’

His dad straightened up again and returned the magazine cutting. Paul took it and bolted out of the back door and all the way to Sandra’s Salon.

The door jangled when he entered the hairdressers. Only Sandra was there. She turned to look at him.

‘Come in, pet. You’re Paul, are you? Your mum booked you in I think.’

As Paul walked to the chair Sandra indicated he regained his breath and got the David Sylvian photo ready to show her.

‘How do you want it then, pet?’

‘Can you do it like this please?’

‘Aw, sweetheart, I’m not sure you’ve the volume for that style. Shall I just give you a trim?’

‘Can you try and make it look like the photo please?’

‘The thing is that you don’t have that type of hair. Yours is much thinner, pet.’

Paul didn’t respond. Sandra eyes met his, but neither of them spoke for a moment.

‘Alright, look, I’ll give you a trim and then see what we can do with a bit of gel and a hair dryer. Is that ok, sweetheart?’

‘Yes please.’

For the next thirty minutes Sandra worked at Paul’s hair, lifting up strands, snipping millimetres off the ends which then sprinkled on to Paul’s face, holding up his fringe and sighing, ruffling his scalp, flicking the hair dryer on and off to disperse the fallen hairs from his shoulders, standing back and viewing his head from different angles, and finally placing the scissors and comb on shelf in front of the mirror.

‘I’ll try some gel then. It might lift it a bit, but it’s not going to look like this fella in the photo. It’s just not, pet. Sorry.’

Sandra massaged the blue gunk into his hair, took a round brush, twisted Paul’s hair, and blow-dried sections, lifting, pulling, let out long breaths, moving the strands forward, backwards, side to side, sighed again, and stopped.

‘I’m sorry. That’s the best I can do for you. You just don’t have the same type of hair. Everyone has different hair. That’s just how it is sweetheart.’

Paul managed to mumble thanks Sandra, give the five-pound note, wait for the one-pound change, and wander home.

The next morning Steady and Pete were waiting for him at their usual meeting point to walk the remaining ten minutes to school.

‘Did you get your hair done then?’

‘Yes, at Sandra’s Salon.’

‘Like David Sylvian?’

‘Yes, I took a photo and she did it. It’s fallen out a bit now though. It’s flatter than when she did it.’

‘I’ll say it is! Sorry, Paul, but it looks absolutely nothing like him.’

They didn’t speak again until they entered class for register. When the teacher got to Paul’s name, both Pete and Steady interrupted.

‘Mr. Walson. Sorry, Mr. Walson. Can you move Paul down to ‘S’? His name is David Sylvian now.’

‘What are you pair on about? Stop being daft.’

‘But, sir, he had his hair done like David Sylvian yesterday. We need to change his name.’

‘That’s enough from you two. Shut up now.’

Going from register on the ground floor to Computer Studies on the third, Paul already started getting Japan lyrics sung to him in the corridors. When he walked in the whole room erupted into a clamour of tuneless Japan’s lyrics, cries of ‘here’s the best-looking man in the world,’ and peals of laughter. Paul sloped to the usual computer he shared with Pete and switched it on.

‘Quiet down! Quiet down!’

‘Miss! Miss! We’ve got a famous person in class today. David Sylvian is here!’

Most of the class pointed to Paul as they chorused the first line of Ghosts, their hit song. The commotion bellowed from the room, down the corridors, and into other classrooms.

After dinner break it was time for double Art. On the board was a large poster of Japan, slanted to the right, it’s four corners stuck with sellotape, David Sylvian’s face speckled with blue biro zits, his eyeballs shaded to make him cross-eyed, and finished off with a dribble coming from the side of his mouth. On the blackboard an arrow pointed to him with Paul’s full name in capital letters and the words ‘Japan’s new lead singer. Voted ugliest man in the world.’

Paul went to a seat at the back, using his sweaty palm to press down his hair all around his head, pushing firmer to iron his fringe to his forehead, forcing it toward his eyes as much as he could. During the two hours of double Art he didn’t look up once.

After the four o’clock bell Steady and Pete weren’t at the meeting point. A crowd of about thirty kids from different school years began following Paul home singing, laughing, poking, back-pushing, hair-tousling, and chanting ‘David Sylvian, David Sylvian’. The nearer to home he got the smaller the bunch of followers became, the last one crossing the road in silence as Paul reached his front gate. He went round the back of the house, stepped into the kitchen, dropped his school bag to the floor, and slumped against the closed door behind him. His mum was peeling potatoes at the sink.

‘You alright, love?’

‘Does my hair look okay, mum? Can you see anything different?’

‘Your hair looks fine. It is a little bit different I suppose’

‘Do I look anything like David Sylvian, mum?’

‘Aw, come here, love.’

Paul’s mum put her arms around him, her right palm on the back of his new haircut, his new fringe resting on her left shoulder.

‘Do I mum? Does my hair look like David Sylvian’s?’

‘No, love, I have to be honest, it doesn’t look anything like him. But listen to me, why would you want to look like the second best-looking man in the world anyway?’

Paul went upstairs, chose a cassette to listen to, put it in the slot, closed it, and pressed play. He got his stack of magazines from the top of the chest of drawers next to his stereo, opened the top draw, and took out a pair of scissors.

Paul Kimm

(image is of the esteemed author)

Originally published by Mono in October 2022

Flying Socks by Paul Kimm

The flight back home left mid-morning from the major city airport they always chose, in order for it to be direct, as Paul preferred to not have any changes, but because of recent political sanctions from many countries, and the need to avoid flying over a large amount of land mass, the flight time had increased from the normal eleven hours, to a total of fourteen, and so, whilst it was still direct, neither of them relished that much time in the air, Paul because of his fear of flying, and his wife because of that too, knowing that every bump, any minor shake, dip, or little wobble, would have him clenching his wrists, gripping the armrests and unable to speak or open his eyes for at least fifteen minutes after even the gentlest of turbulence had passed.

For her part, Zoe loved flying, the opportunity to sit in a comfy enough chair for a period of time, no guilt to feel about not being more active, no gym to go to, no yoga classes on board obviously, and so relaxing in front of a screen packed with dozens of movies, TV series, a few daft on-board games, and the delivery of three meals, and the free-flow wine to the seat was a perfect way to spend fourteen hours, as long as her husband managed to contain his nerves, these nerves impervious to the number of times he’d flown before, or the statistical knowledge he had about flight safety, the multitude of empirical data, all meaning nothing as soon as the first bit of mild mid-air shaking came.

The flight was at 9am and because of the time difference with the UK would arrive in London at 5pm at Heathrow, which was 11pm in the time zone they were in, so they would be able to get to the hotel and sleep off the flight as soon as they got there, ready to move on to their friends the next day, who they hadn’t seen since their previous diplomatic posting on the other side of the world, where they’d worked together for five years, and loved it, until almost two years ago when they came to the posting they were in now in a much colder part of the world, and so meeting up with Sandy and Malcolm would be a great reminder of life in warmer climes, and they knew they’d have a wonderful, albeit different from how it used to be, first weekend back home, catching up with their old pals.

As usual check in and security was efficient and within half an hour of arriving at the airport they were through and at the departure gate areas with their carry-on bags in tow and closer to three hours than two remaining before take-off, so they decided to find a place for breakfast, and if time after to browse the shops and perhaps get an additional gift for Sandy and Mal, some single malt for him, perhaps a Japanese brand, that obviously couldn’t be opened that weekend, and a fancy style accessory for Sandy, ideally something purple, this being her favourite colour, but first a bite to eat, and then a quick walkaround the airport retail offerings.

They went to the usual place they ate, the breakfast options being the best, much as the lunch and dinner options were when they took flights at other times of day, and after a couple of minutes looking through the menu Zoe ordered avocado toast, making sure there was no butter and that they removed the poached egg, and Paul, allowing the airport meal to be a treat before the long flight, broke their recently agreed commitment to veganism and ordered an omelette, asking for them to just keep the vegetables in, not include the listed cheese, as some form of concession to their plant-based eating resolution, allowing one ingredient to break the rule rather than two, mumbling something about a couple of eggs not really being a health issue anyway, and murmuring the words ‘free range’.

As they waited for their staple freshly squeezed orange juices to arrive, they didn’t speak, but looked out into the airport, watching people walk towards their gates, some rushing, overtaking other passengers, with their wheeled small cases whizzing behind them, whilst others, also clearly with ample time, meandered around, stopped to look at the same menu where Paul and Zoe were dining, but made faces about the prices, and moved on, perhaps in search of an over-priced, but still much cheaper fast food alternative elsewhere in the airport, which made Paul smirk slightly when these never really potential customers scurried off.

‘Come on, Paul. It is expensive here to be fair.’

‘Not for us it’s not.’

‘That’s a little mean though. When we first met the best we could have done is share a box of fries from one of those places, and then get on our budget airline. And, we’re not quite as well off nowadays anyway.’

‘I know, I know. Sorry, you’re right, of course. The good old days when we’d have some fries and a beer to share.’

‘Yes, I suppose so, or perhaps it was the bad old days! I think we agree a fresh juice is preferable.’

‘Of course. Anyway, did you pack my flying socks?’

‘No, you know where you keep them. Are they in your carry-on or check-in bags?’

‘Wait, I thought you mentioned you packed them.’

‘I didn’t mention them once. I packed my stuff, then we did the usual run through what we might have forgotten. You didn’t mention your flying socks once. I assumed you’d packed them.’

‘No, I didn’t! Good grief, this is nightmare. You know I can’t fly without them.’

‘Paul, check your carry-on then. For crying out loud, it’s a bloody pair of old socks.’

Despite the thirty years of regular flying, the hundreds of flights he’d taken, Paul had never got used to it, never managed to allow all the knowledge he had accumulated about flight safety enter his mind enough to calm his nerves, and even meeting pilots, and other aviation experts, who’d emphatically promoted the extreme unlikelihood of serious accidents, the data such as a aircraft using 85% of its mechanisms on take-off, no extra ones during cruising, and 15% on landing, meaning any technical issues would likely occur in the first ten minutes of flight, just meant nothing to Paul, as did the reams of statistics ensuring the absence of crashes, and the fact that they chose the most reputable airlines with the highest safety records, often at extra cost, all meant nothing as soon as there was a the merest of mid-air movement during a flight.

Instead Paul, ironically, given his diplomatic role was in the science field, though not as senior as it had been in previous postings, had turned to superstition to assuage his nerves, his flying socks, which he’d owned for close to two decades, being the necessary accoutrement for all his flights, those pair of socks, navy blue, with a white airplane motif repeated all over them, long since riddled with holes, making them unwearable, continued to be a travel essential for him, no longer putting them on due to their age and disrepair, but rolled into a tight ball they’d been in, unused on his feet, not requiring a wash for over twelve years, but a vital, needed, indispensable item of packed luggage, as somehow their presence on all his flights, in Paul’s psyche, protected him from any actual danger.

Their breakfasts arrived, but rather than tuck into his omelette he told Zoe to eat her toast, whilst he rifled through the contents of his carry-on, fully opened out on the banquette seating, removing each item, his spare underwear, laptop, removed from its slipcase, the couple of books he took on board, always unlikely to read due his need to close his eyes during any inclement weather, a couple of t-shirts, spare trousers, one smart pair of shoes, and a few small toiletry items, and two pairs of fresh socks, new, hole-less, clean, and not with planes on them, and therefore not his flying socks.

‘I don’t know what I’m going to do.’

‘Paul, I get it, but you know the socks don’t make a difference, don’t you?’

‘Yes, of course I know that, but you also know how I am. I don’t know what do.’

‘Look, eat your breakfast first, before it goes completely cold, and perhaps we can look around the shops. Who knows? Maybe somewhere sells socks with planes on. Would a new pair do the trick?’

‘There’s no harm in looking I suppose. I don’t know for sure they’re not in my check-in luggage anyway, but I’d feel much better knowing there were at least some socks with planes on in our bags for sure, if possible.’

‘Okay, eat your omelette and let’s go and see what we can find.’

Ordinarily Paul was the first to finish eating any meals they had, Zoe being a much more delicate eater, carefully slicing her food, enjoying each morsel, whilst Paul wolfed his food, generally using his fork to break up his meals, only using a knife when the fork couldn’t manage it, and each subsequent bite entering his mouth whilst his previous bite was yet unswallowed, meaning he consumed most meals in a third of the time Zoe did, but this morning he barely touched his omelette, his worry overtaking his appetite Zoe could tell, even though he attempted to brush off his unwillingness to finish it as some nonsense about feeling bad he wasn’t sticking to their new dietary regime, turning her usual mild disgust at his eating to restrained impatience at his mendacity and reluctance to eat.

‘Are you going to finish your omelette?’

‘No, you’re right. I shouldn’t really be eating eggs.’

‘It’s an airport treat, right? Are you not hungry?’

‘You know, look, I’m just, well it’s my nerves to be honest. I feel a little sick.’

‘Okay, let’s go and browse the shops to try and find you some replacement socks?’

They went through a few of the stores, the first three, with their small selection of socks, selling, at best, some diamond patterned, striped, or dotted socks, but nothing with any kind of images on, and certainly not approaching anything related to flying whatsoever, but then they came across a new shop, selling only socks, a purely sock shop, with shelves, and revolving stands full of themed socks, which they decided to divide between them, being sure there must be something that would appease Paul’s fear, and could be taken on board with him.

Each rack and shelf was themed for the most part, from selected animals, foods, Paul being unamused when Zoe asked if he wanted the pair with fried eggs on, her hope at humour calming him wasted, then through to musical instruments ranging from guitars, to drums, to what looked like saxophones, then types of weather, an assortment of random household items including television socks, dartboard socks, and even coffee maker socks, which brought them to the section on transportation themed socks, which as they looked through the different shaped and coloured car;, yellow Volkswagen beetles, red Ferraris, green Minis, and also motorbikes, bicycles, ships, even helicopters, but seemingly none with planes, at which point Zoe went to ask at the counter.

‘Excuse me, do you have any socks with planes on?’

‘Ah, no, we’ve none left, I think. We do usually have a couple of designs, but out of stock at the moment. Sorry. We do have the ones with helicopters on.’

‘Paul, they’re out of stock, but there are the helicopter ones.’

‘Sorry, no. It has to be planes.’

‘Yes, sorry about that, he has a, well, he likes to have what he calls ‘flying socks’ with him on his flights.’

‘Zoe, there’s no need to bloody explain!’

‘We do have lots with different types of birds on if that helps, sir.’

‘No, socks with fucking birds on won’t fucking help!’

‘Paul!’

Paul stormed out of the shop, Zoe following him after apologising to the shop assistant, but he left at a pace she couldn’t match, and couldn’t see him, deciding perhaps he’d gone to other shops, searching for more possible sock replacements, thinking she could try to persuade him a t-shirt, a tie, any item with a plane embellished on it would do, even a small plane model, ubiquitous in airport shops, would be suitable enough, and so she trawled from one shop to the next, yet Paul wasn’t in any of them, and their time for boarding was approaching, he was nowhere in sight, so in the last shop she looked in she purchased the smallest sized toy plane they had, a small keyring with a biplane flown by a vintage aviator styled dog, and a chocolate bar with a Boeing jumbo jet emblazoned on its wrapper, then left, to head to the gate, hoping to see him there at least.

As she bolted towards their gate she glanced in each shop, café, and restaurant, quickly sweeping her eyes through the customers to see if Paul was amongst them, but no sign of him until she glanced into the airport’s only pub, an Irish bar named Mulligans they’d never stepped foot into, and saw his back, sitting at a bar, something he hadn’t done for over two years, and as she reached him putting her hand on his left shoulder, the barman placed a large whiskey in front of Paul, next to an already empty glass with barely melted ice inside it, and Paul beeped his card on the contactless pad without even acknowledging his wife’s presence, and before Zoe could speak, he’d taken his first sip, of his second drink, and let out an overly loud, satisfying gasp.

‘Paul!’

‘What? Exactly what?’

‘You can’t be serious. What are you doing?’

‘What does it look like I’m doing, Zoe? I’m having a fucking drink.’

‘Paul, please, the flight will be okay, please put the drink down. Come on.’

‘The flight. I’m not getting on the flight without my socks. You go. I’m fine.’

‘I’ve got some possible alternatives, please have a look.’

‘There are no alternatives! I don’t want to see any fucking alternatives. This drink is the alternative, alright?’

‘Paul, honestly, you can’t do this, you know you can’t. You’ve been doing so well. Please.’

Paul put down his drink, turned on his stool to look directly into Zoe’s eyes, and that fierceness she’d seen in his eyes many times before, but not in the last couple of dormant years, made her want to step back, but he took her hand that wasn’t holding the plastic bag, and gripped her wrist, not speaking, not blinking, his face showing he was preparing what to say, but she knew whatever he said would be definitive, unnegotiable, inflexible, he would be staying in the bar, not flying, and rather than waiting to hear one of his old diatribes, his rambling tirades, the kind of nonsense speeches that ultimately got them where they were now. Instead, she directed her thoughts to being on the plane, the comfort of the premium economy seat, the choice of wines she might have herself, the selection of films she might get though, what the booked vegan meals might be like, how his absence and the empty seat next to her would be an additional luxury, and when his mumbling had finished, and he released her, she said goodbye, and went to the gate, smiling at the memory from a few hours ago of popping a pair of old socks, with planes on them, in the bin.

Paul Kimm

(Image is of Mr. Kimm)

Age Concerns by Paul Kimm

(We are pleased to debut Paul Kimm on the site today. It won’t be his last! Leila and DWB)

In the 1980s, I had a job working for Age Concern providing decorating services for the elderly. As long as they bought the materials, Age Concern sent me to paint or wallpaper however many rooms they wanted redecorating. Whilst a few of the people whose houses I went to barely spoke to me, the majority welcomed my company. Here are some of the stories they told me during my breaks. All of the below is true, and some of it is factual.

Mrs Goodson’s house

Mrs Goodson, 76, lived on the Easthill Estate. I was there to paint her kitchen and living room; white ceilings, magnolia walls, and all woodwork in white gloss. I did the living room first. After the first day, she insisted I didn’t bring a packed lunch as she’d feed me, and if I came earlier, would cook me a small breakfast too. So, from the second day I arrived at eight-thirty each morning, and for rest of the week, enjoyed a breakfast of two slices of white bread toast, buttered heavily, with two eggs. To show off her culinary prowess the eggs went from fried, to poached, to scrambled. They remain the tastiest I’ve ever had. For each breakfast she also insisted that I had a small 330ml bottle of Guinness with my breakfast.

It’s good for you. It’s the iron in it. Good for bones, blood, the lot. A little bottle like that, and some eggs, sets you up for the day. It’s what I’ve had for decades and I’m fit as a fiddle. It was my John who started us on it. He was seven years older than me, and only gone just last year. So, did him no harm, did him good. I get crates delivered, twenty-four in a pack lasts me for a month, at weekends I don’t bother, but during the week it’s just right. Keeps you fit. Here, let me show you.

She took me to her under stairs cupboard and opened it to show me the crate, half empty, with rows of bottles in it. Then we went back to the kitchen, and I sat down at the round table, with three chairs tucked under it. She cracked two eggs into a frying pan, and they sizzled and popped immediately, before sliding two slices of bread into the grill above the hobs.

I get them delivered. I can’t carry a box like that, but my John could, still driving he was, and could carry them up from the car. Like he never really got old, that Guinness kept him going. I never learned to drive mind you, so our Rob sold the car after, only for a few hundred pounds, as we’d had it years. John was good at looking after the car as well, had all the tools and that, he’d learned mechanics in the forces. He did that in the war too, fixing vehicles, always strong. He always said it was the Guinness, the iron in it, giving you strong bones, keeping you fit. He never was sick until the end. Never saw him once have a day off, and right until his last week he was carrying in those cases, bending over, and slotting them under the stairs. I can still bend down to get a bottle or two out myself, but it’s years since I could carry twenty-four of them like that. Tell the truth, don’t know if I ever could. Anyway, like my John, a bottle a morning keeps me fit. It’s good for you, and our Rob sometimes brings me another crate when he visits too. If you’re still here on Friday, you’ll probably meet him.

I thanked her for the breakfast, telling her how tasty the eggs were, and for the Guinness. I remember feeling very satisfied and full each morning so did some of the lighter decorating work first whilst the breakfast and drink settled. From the Tuesday to the Friday it took to finish the job she told me more about her John, his strength, and numerous skills, never becoming emotional in anyway other than a bright happiness reminiscing about him. On the last day I met her son, Rob, who was more than twice the age I was then.

You’ve done a smashing job here. Much appreciated mate. Kitchen and living room both look way smarter. It’s a good scheme they’ve got going with Age Concern. Might have to get you back to do more, if we can get me mam some more paint in. That’d be alright, wouldn’t it? The upstairs hasn’t been done for over a decade I reckon. Not since my dad got sick and couldn’t come down for years.

I assume he saw the confusion on my face, as he then told me more.

Ah, I bet me mam said nothing. She’s never spoken about it. Likes to remember him before he got ill, when he could still help around the house. I’ll say no more on it. She doesn’t want those years being the memory of him, and that’s fair enough. It’s best for her she lies to herself, and we go along with it. I’ll say nowt more on it. Thanks again mate, cracking job and may see you again.

When I left Mrs Goodson said thank you and gave me two bottles of Guinness to take with me. I don’t know if she ever got more paint. Possibly one of the other decorators got put on the job next time, but none of them ever mentioned it to me in the yard.

Mr Mason’s house

Mr Mason also lived on Easthill Estate, it being the biggest in town, and was having his living room, hallway and landing painted, a longer job because of the banister and higher ceiling in the stairwell. He would keep drinks and biscuits coming and watch me work, occasionally telling me stories of his younger life, whilst I was painting.

I’ll tell you the best story I’ve got lad. It was 1963, remember it clear as day, even though it was at night. Got arrested, didn’t I? Out of the blue it was. I was still in the army, had been for years, cos I stayed in after the war. I was in London, was driving a Land Rover. That was mostly what I did, drove about on errands for officers and that. A bunch of coppers pulled me over, and took me in. Arrested me for the bloody Great Train Robbery! Can you believe it? Remember it? Ronnie Biggs and them? They thought I was one of them because they’d escaped in Land Rovers, and there’s me in mine trawling round London, odd jobs for my gaffers, and they reckoned I was one of the robbers. Asked me questions for ages they did. Hours.

I finished a section of banister, put my brush and paint pot down, sat on a stair, and asked him what questions they had.

All sorts. It was like they’d decided. You know, like I was definitely one of the robbers. Was in my uniform and they said that was to throw them off the scent. I said to them to check the Land Rover, there was nowt in it, and they said it was probably a decoy. Bear in mind, I didn’t actually know anything about the Great Train Robbery. It wasn’t called that yet, and they weren’t telling me what had gone on, just asking me where the others were, where the money was, where I’d got the military uniform from. I didn’t know until they finally let me go, and saw the papers the next day. Eventually, they called my barracks to check. Someone came in, explained who I was, and they let me go. No apologies or nowt, like I’d wasted their time.

I bent down to get my paint and carry on with my work, but he asked me to wait a minute, so I sat down again.

Thing was, I remember it like it was last night. Never said this to my wife, but that was the most exciting night of my life. Got married, lived through the war, spent two decades in the army, but being arrested as a Great Train Robber is my greatest memory. I remember it more than anything. Every now and then it’s all I constantly think about. That’s the thing with being old, maybe the only good thing, lots of memories, so many of them, even if some of them visit you more than others.

I recall Mr Mason being quieter for the rest of the week. He was excited to tell me his story about being arrested as one of the Great Train Robbers but it was like it had exhausted him. He didn’t mention it again for the rest of the job, or share any other major memories, and by the last day he’d stopped watching me work.

Mrs Smith’s flat

Mrs Smith had a one-bedroom flat near the beach. You couldn’t see the sea from her window, but you could from the small, shared garden at the front. Mrs Smith had saved part of her pension for nine months to afford the paint for every room to be done. She was a soft voiced, but chatty lady who made me tea with milk, a drink I’ve never liked, several times a day, insisting I take a break with her, and I hadn’t the heart to tell her I didn’t like it. The twenty or so cups of tea I had in the week I was there being the most I ever drank.

I moved here after my Albert passed. I didn’t want to stay in a big house, like we had, bigger than we ever needed, so I sold it off, paid the rest of the mortgage and got this place. More than twenty years ago now. Maybe even close to thirty now. I wanted to be near the beach, and have a view of the sea if possible, but when everything was paid off there wasn’t enough for that. This place suits me though. I like it enough. Enough for me. Do I keep saying ‘enough’? Ooh, it’s a miserable word, isn’t it? Enough. Make do. Get by. That’s life though, isn’t it? Life is enough. Anyway, I’m getting all maudlin, and I’m not maudlin at all. I’m a happy person. Quite happy. Happy enough. That’s me, Paul.

Mrs Smith laughed at herself, telling me not mind her rambling, and I went back to continue the decorating. The next milky tea came just over an hour later.

Sorry about before. I don’t mean it like that. All that daft talk about ‘enough’. We had it good, me and my Albert. No kids. That wasn’t for us it turned out, so we had a nice house. No kids, and a big house. Too big for us really, but we had the money for it with no kids. We used to go on holidays abroad before others did, before it became all that popular. Cities and seasides. Seville and Marbella in Spain. Very nice. Rome and Almalfi in Italy. Very nice too. Then my favourites, Athens and the islands in Greece. Definitely the nicest. Anyway, listen to me twittering on. Am I saying ‘nice’ too much now? Deary me, I’m all ‘enoughs’ and ‘nices’ today. Those holidays were very nice though. We’d always send ourselves a postcard, addressed to our own house, with a little note about our trip, like we were writing to another Mr and Mrs Smith, so we had a memory and Albert quite liked collecting the stamps. Often they were waiting for us when we got back or arrived a little later on. I’ve still got them in an old biscuit tin somewhere. I’ll have to dig them out. I can’t remember what we wrote on them. It was a long time ago now.

The next day Mrs Smith searched the cabinets and cupboards in the room I was working in. She apologised for being in my way, even though she wasn’t. Shortly after returning to the kitchen she called me through for another tea.

I’ve found the tin of postcards. I haven’t looked at these in years. Could be ten or more, twenty even, since I’ve had a look. I thought we could look together if you like, while you have your tea.

She opened up the old square tin, the picture on its lid showing a photo of the biscuits it once contained. Inside, there was a stack of brightly coloured postcards, the paper on them looking soft to the touch. Mrs Smith took the top one, a photo of an old church with an orange tree in the foreground, and the word ‘Sevilla’ in the bottom right corner.

There you go. I mentioned we went to Seville didn’t I? Lovely orange trees everywhere. All over the city. Let’s have a look what silly message we wrote to ourselves.

She turned over the postcard, and on the back the right side had the address below the names ‘Mr and Mrs Smith’, but the left side was blank.

Oh, let me look at some more. We must have forgotten to write on this one. Ooh, one from Turin. We went to Italy more than once. Oh, no message on this one either.

Mrs Smith took out a pile in one go, turned them over, and started dealing them out on the table, each one with their address and a stamp on the right, but all the left-hand sides blank.

Well, I never! I told you yesterday we used to send ourselves a postcard, with a message. I was sure we did. Looks like I’ve gone and imagined it. So silly. It must have been to his brother Geoff, and his wife Gladys. They were Mr and Mrs Smith as well. That must be it. Silly me. I would have liked to read those messages, but Geoff and Gladys are long gone now too. I’ve no idea if they kept them. I’ve still got Albert’s writing though, on those addresses. Just not the messages. So silly of me. I was so sure about it when I told you about our little, silly postcard tradition. Now I can’t stop saying silly, can I? Oh well, it was a long time ago now, but so is yesterday nowadays for me. Everyday feels like a long time ago. Just so silly.

After that day I wasn’t invited into the kitchen as much. Mrs Smith mostly brought the mugs of tea to me. When I was painting the kitchen and the bathroom, if she wasn’t looking, I’d tip some of the tea down the sink. When the job finished, she said goodbye and asked if I might pop round sometimes for a tea and a chat. I said I would, but I never did.

Paul Kimm

(Image by CJA)