(All images produced by DWB)
“It was just like a song being played on the radio in my mind.”
– Richard Brautigan
One of these pictures is the countdown: less than sixty minutes until STROKE time two years ago.
Another picture is a view from my hospital room in Chicago. Without access to the futuristically good health care services of the Second City, I would probably have ended up quite a bit worse off than I was and am.
Another pic’ is me contemplating my situation and reliving many memories, since I can see the University of Illinois Chicago from my window, the place where I taught for fifteen years and completed my PhD in English and Creative Writing. And I’m realizing again that I possess a certain fearlessness, and have always possessed a certain fearlessness.
Another pic’ is one of the verses that helps reinforce my so-called certain fearlessness, a fearlessness that is not without its failings and is not always as evident (to myself and even others) as I might want it 2 B.
But many people are afraid of me, especially on the street when they see me and the wolf I walk around with (and sometimes a second wolf and a pit bull).
Picture five is the REUNION: I had an incredibly vivid nightmare while in the hospital that he would forget me while I was gone. I was wrong.
At one point I said to/asked one of my doctors, “I had a MINOR stroke, right?”
His answer was (and I quote it directly): “There are no minor strokes.”
I was in the hospital for one week; one neck surgery; a million tests, pokings, and proddings; and tons of gratitude about being alive with zero paralysis or facial drooping or any of the other horrors that often come with a stroke.
(I also have Stage One Emphysema, which I can sometimes feel burning a little bit at the tops of my lungs. Quite an accomplishment for 59.)
The nurses and various attendants (and some of the doctors) who took care of me were like human angels.
One wonders why the ones seemingly working the hardest were also the ones being paid the least (or at least too little in comparison).
The same was true the last time I was in the hospital for a week twelve years ago (same hospital, different issue, what they sometimes euphemistically refer to as a “mental breakdown”). (I recovered quickly then too and ended up smarter than when I went in, both times.)
But this pay issue $, or lack of good pay issue, it’s like the so-called leader of the free world at the moment, who spends (obviously) the vast majority of his time golfing and re-posting total crap on the internet; or re-posting total crap on the internet while golfing; or telling endless lies about how he won the 2020 election and didn’t start an insurrection; or consuming vast quantities of Mickey D’s and diet Coke while viewing propaganda TV featuring none other than himself.
Hey people who like this guy! The free world really needs a president who’s willing to do a little real work around here once in a while.
The best you can say for him is that he both does, and does not, back down.
He makes Dick Nixon (Nixon the dick) look like Abraham Lincoln.
His actual presence in a room is overwhelming, especially to weak-minded sycophants.
He isn’t a racist in the sense that he values absolute loyalty over skin tone every time.
He hires some really good-looking women.
He’s married to one who appears to want to have zero to do with him (can’t say as I blame her).
He falls asleep in the meetings all day long because he stays up all night long posting crap on the internet and talking on the phone if he can find anyone who will answer.
He NEVER shuts up.
Him and his pals are the ravenous nihilists Dostoevsky predicted.
Sometimes he’s kinda funny and almost likable for some reason!
The uniform (or costume) he’s concocted for himself is hilarious.
I just wish all these other fools wouldn’t keep wearing the same thing.
If he invited me to the White House I would probably go and try to talk some sense into him, not that I would hold my breath about the results.
But I would never travel the country singing his praises like Kid Rock, who I used to think was a kind of genius. Same with Snoop Dog. Come to your senses y’all!
A hundred and forty-six years ago, the great Russian saint-and-sinner Dostoevsky wrote: “Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself, and others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.”
Except for the love of money.
Saragun Springs 
Dale
Wonderful images, especially the one of the family, though the stroke was coming.
But was it bad news? Sounds like a warning that you wisely heeded. Now, to be fair Trump does take getting shot at well. Not really a strong point you want, but it is true.
I believe big things happen for a reason. A stroke that doesn’t turn a person into Grandma Walton is one “reason” and the power of angry voters is another. Let us hope the second “warning” is as well heeded as the first.
Leila
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Hi Leila
You’ve been periodically talking me down about Mr. El Presidente ever since the man got re-elected and I often turn to your blend of positivity and realism when mentally dealing with the fact that this guy turned out to be the head honcho again. I agree with you that things do happen for a million different reasons. One reason he got back in there is because America deserves what it gets at all levels. But there are other reasons, too, I do believe. Not least the mere cycles of history. No empire lasts forever. But the USA is obviously not finished yet, either. Is it really that bad if we’re not the only one on the block who has a big stick? No, it isn’t. Maybe such will eventually make everyone play fair, us included. Mutually Assured Destruction has stopped nuclear war so far and other kinds of power might also help to keep the peace. We are all the victim of so much propaganda that even the smartest of us sometimes have no clue what the hell is really going on, especially about political, financial, and military maneuverings behind the scenes, etc. One thing is for absolute certain: those three aspects are all tied up and intertwined together. El Presidente and his crew are getting richer by the day as the Iran situation continues to fester. Meanwhile the rest of us are paying twenty bucks for a loaf of bread. Some very worldly-wise folks say we’re headed for another great Depression and it’s already too late. Others say we might get away with only a really bad Recession instead. But if those things happen the elections will be what is needed, too. Funny how the world always balances itself out.
I just hope that they don’t figure out some way to partially shut down and/or steal the election/s in the fall. There is no doubt that they’re working assiduously behind the scenes to do so even as we speak (El Presidente even admits it sometimes when he’s not watching himself). But with 50 different states all handling their own elections maybe they won’t be able to pull it off. The Founding Fathers saw all this shit coming. And IF there’s a landslide, they also won’t be able to pull it off. Wake up, America, for your own good!
And yes, absolutely, my stroke was also a stroke of good fortune. It saved me, so to speak. Life instantly changed for the better, even though it was terrifying too (a little, because of the mortality thing).
Dale
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Thank you Dale!
I’m happy that we won’t see his name on the ballot again. I am Independent but I have never voted GOP for the big offices. The last quality candidate the Reps had was McCain. If a dubious person like Hillary were up I might have bucked the trend. Fortunately Obama was the clear best choice (Romney is more like Trump than he ought to be).
Take care and do not let the fools stress you out (I must caution myself to do the same). And as I keep telling people MID TERM ELECTIONS!!!
Barney Frank had a clear view at the end, but maybe too concilitary (sp).
Leila
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Dale, I never knew you’d had a stroke, although I often wondered at your references to getting your act together to stop abusing your health. I’m glad you appear to be doing so well now. I recognize you and Boo–the most photographed canine since Rin Tin Tin–but who are the two stunning women at your side in the first pic?
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Hi Bill
Yes, Boo (full name Bucephalus) proudly takes his place beside Snoopy and Buck from The Call of the Wild. Other heroes of his include Pooh Bear and The Cat in the Hat. He can often be found perusing books and cartoons about such partners-in-crime of his. Sometimes I marvel at how he can turn the pages with his paws.
The two kids in the picture are my twin daughters. Like it says in the essay, that picture was taken less than sixty minutes before I (temporarily) lost my ability to speak and collapsed to the floor, i.e. hit the dirt (then bounced right back up again). I thought it was ironic because I appear to be doing okay just before fate intervened in a massive way, which is why I shared the photo. Both daughters were in the room with me when I collapsed. For some very weird reason, they both instantly knew that I’d had a stroke (not a heart attack or anything else, but a stroke) and called 911 which is what saved me. The ambulance arrived in less than five minutes. I couldn’t talk or think straight so I would not have been able to make that call myself.
Dale
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