The Drifter is out of town. The Grinch agreed to fill in:
One reason I can’t stand most mainstream novels written in the USA today is that they are almost all (universally) LOADED (as if drunken) with BAD dialogue, dialogue so bad, so stilted, so wooden, so FAKE, and so obviously expository that reading pages upon pages of it is something I just don’t have time for any more, if I ever did have time for it.
The effect is like Amber Heard on the witness stand.
(The same is true for all AI fiction.)
Another reason I can’t stand reading most mainstream novels written in the USA today is that they are all LOADED (as if drunken) with action that is clearly stolen, unintentionally, from the latest, truly bad Netflix television series.
If I have to watch bad TV I would rather be sleeping.
The third reason that I can’t stand reading most mainstream novels written in the USA today is because they all, both subconsciously and unconsciously, enforce the herd mentality and non-thinking of a blatantly consumerist, post-Christian society.
“Post-Christian” here means lacking the morals of the real Jesus, even as a pretense any longer.
My fourth and final reason (for today) for why I cannot read most mainstream novels written in the USA today is because their middle-class, commercial nature makes them prone to all of the above in an extreme way.
In conclusion, I will stay in my mountain cave with my dog.
This place is stocked with medicinal substances, lamps, and the truly good books.
(I don’t want your things, and for that reason I shan’t be climbing down your chimneys.)
Saragun Springs 
Merry Chritmas Drif–um, sorry, Grinch
I am glad to see that your heart enlargement was a temporary condition.
And I agree wholeheartedly with being against the obvious junk food literature that has no thought put into it.
Post-Christian is an excellent observation. Potential atheists should consider Humanism, which is actually more Christlike than many churches.
Great fill in for The Drifter, Mr. Grinch. I do hope you no longer tie antlers to your Dog’s head.
Leila
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My Dear L
Thanks for allowing me to appear as a guest columnist in your realm. I feel so much better being able to air my opinions on an issue of such vital importance. Because of your own frighteningly large intellect, I had no doubt you would agree with me. I also wish to applaud my own eloquence. I have been sharpening the pen for many decades now. My little screed is almost the exact same length as the Gettysburg Address, but it is considerably more memorable.
As far as Max the Canine wearing his antlers, since we no longer descend to Whoville trying to ruin everything for everybody, he is no longer asked to wear his costume nor to pull the sleigh. His paws look like the paws of all my Creator’s other animal creations, by the way. He spends his days wandering through snowy fields with his co-conspirators, being fed treats, and taking lengthy naps in his favorite chair by the window of our mountain cave.
(As far as The Drifter, it’s debatable whether he’s really out of town, or not, but everybody knows that, even himself.)
Thanks again!!
G
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Dear G and Max
It is a tremendous relief to know that you are doing well and that the antler thing was one and done.
Max seems like a fine fellow, but even a Dog can be asked to do too much.
Leila
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L.A.
Re: Max; Boo agrees with you too!
G
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Not adequately informed to either agree or disagree because the two things I usually read or reread are old mysteries or journals which feature my favorite author. Have not read current fiction much since the ’60s or ’70s. Currently checking some P.D. James (or as I call her, Phyllis) short stories. Those two sources of reading and spending some time writing are enough. Oh, yeah clabbering with lead author Bill “Topiary” Tope.
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Mirthful One
Thanks for responding in kind to The Grinch’s half-insane, all-the-way-off-the-wall screed. Looking forward to your productions which will be appearing and/or reappearing in The Springs soon. Merry Xmas to you and yours, including your collaborator from the great state of Illinois.
D & G
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D&G –
Don’t know what if anything is scheduled to Spring forth. Hoping that Maysam Kandej will translate some Doug into Farsi, but that project may have hit a money snag.
Seasoned Greenings to all, and to all a What The Hell?
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Rock on, Mirthful! Farsi is amazing!
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….The Grinch wishes a Merry Christmas to the esteemed novelists Jonathan Franzen, Richard Powers, Dave Eggers, Percival Everett, Zadie Smith (not technically an American except in sensibility) and many others….Wonderful people all, but I just can’t stand overly and overtly expository dialogue (any more), especially not after reading “Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses” by my hero Samuel Langhorne Clemens.
G
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Bracingly fine piece. And that 3rd photo warrants summat like book cover treatment.
Geraint
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Dear Geraint
Thanks for lauding the Seussian paws! Merry Xmas week and Happy holidays from the mountain cave.
The G
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gulp. Okaaay.
nice dog. Erm yep. X
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Dear Diane
This is the kind of dialogue I’m capable of understanding, from another one of my Creator’s masterpieces:
“Big D little d, David Donald Doo dreamed a dozen doughnuts and a duck-dog, too.”
Happy holidays!
G
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Dear Grinch,
It’s unwise for those of one country to be less than complimentary to the writers of another. But it is strange to me that having read and loved so very many US authors in the Sixties and Seventies, and Eighties, there’s only a few that I feel the same about now. This may well say more about me and the ageing process than about changes in US literature. Nevertheless, I thank my Christmas star for Donna Tartt and for Jay McInerney’s wonderful tribute to ‘Tender is the Night’ – ‘Brightness Falls.’ merry Christmas all – mick
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Dear Mick
Sometimes I almost think of the UK and the US as the same country, probably because they both speak the king’s English and because they kicked Hitler’s ass together. At the least one of history’s greatest alliances. I consider myself a citizen of the world even tho’ I never leave home. Thanks for the book recommendations, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Grinch
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Hi Drifter
Let em have it Grinch!
I’m glad for your review of the current state of novels. This helps me stick to what I usually read. Not them.
I hate anything AI influenced or outright written by AI.
I went to church today and I heard the Pastor say, “Jesus had no place in the world when he was born.” Bethlehem was all full up. No vacancies at the inn. Caesar Augustus required everyone in the region to be counted for a census. It was a mad happening when Jesus came into the world. Plus Herod was killing all of those babies looking for him. The Pastor finished his long and very historic sermon with, “Jesus still has no place in this world.”
I think we are living in truly Satanic times from the government down to the road raging lunatics and other killers everywhere you look. The Democratic party took God out of its preamble. Kind of hard to be a Democrat following that kind of logic (less of two evils). Damn sure not going to be a Republican.
Merry Christmas!
Christopher
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Ananias
What you say reminds me of my favorite song by The Band, “Christmas Must Be Tonight.” Danko never sang better and Robbie never wrote better, and that’s saying a lot.
It contains the lines, “Son of a carpenter / Mary carried the light.” She did indeed carry the light, and that means she too was the light.
I like your poems!
The Grinch
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Hey Grinch!
Love The Band! I’ll have to check it out. Right now I’m stuck on “The Highway Men.” singing their namesake song. Not sure who I like better Kris K. Waylon Jennings, Willie N.elson or Jonny Cash?
When Danko sings his part in “The Weight” I always wait for it–excuse the pun, lol. His voice is almost wavering into begging, but he sounds totally cool.
Today the Pastor also spoke of Mary and her attitude when Gabriel delivered the news of her conception and what that would mean. What God wanted for her. She took it with such
Grace. Yes, she would have to be the light, too. I can see why she is such a powerful figure for the Catholics.
Glad you like my poems! That means a lot coming from such a fine poet as yourself!
I’m seeing that writing poetry is just as hard or harder than writing fiction–for me it is a pretty high bar. I don’t feel quite as grounded as I do writing fiction. All the reading has helped in that area.
I just read E. Dickinson’s “Because I could not stop for Death” Wow! Whitman’s “Beat Beat Drums is also powerful.
CJA
PS THE CHICAGO BEARS RULE! SUPER BOWL!
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PSS: Boo is such a great looking dog! That last dark picture of the window–reminds me of a room in Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death”
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To Everyone and No One
The Grinch has agreed to appear again for future unpredictable columns on a sporadic basis.
Hearing from him too often might become annoying, like the bad dialogue he decries.
Merry Christmas Week.
The Drifter
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Sent from my iPad
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