(Note–I wanted his Judgeship to appear five times this week, but he refuses to show more than once. Not much you can threaten a ghost with, so, well, so be it–LA)
Greetings dolts!
Today we will explore the pervicacity of the ever resilient, yet meek Shadowghost. Before we do, however, I have a feeling that I should explain that pervicacity means stubborn and does not have anything to do with perversion. I believe that the modern world would do well with a vocabulary sheet. “Awesome”; “iconic”; “brand”–and for the sake of all that is intelligent, “ginormous” are not all one needs to describe the world. Moreover one should know the difference between effect and affect and venial and venal, that and which as well as who and whom. Whilst applying my trade I feel more like a red pencil than a Quillemender!
Versatur Circa Quid!
Shadowghosts are of the First Order of Spirits. They date back to the original ghosts who came about shortly after the first people died, many are eons of longevity. Shadowghosts are the original visual phantom; they lurked the cave walls and stone houses of yore and were often interpreted as being gods instead of the ghost of Grandpa, who departed doltdom for something much finer.
Versatur Circa Quid!
A several thousand year history combined with the standard for being a Shadowghost set not much higher than that for the Footfallfollower has resulted in a staggering amount of their kind. Any realm that hosts Shadowghosts has a supernumerary population of the Spirit because there are so terribly many of them. In the dolt idiom supernumerary means “a needless shitload.” Think of the situation in your pubs and ale houses in which males outnumber females ten to one, yet each fellow has drunk himself into an unsteady optimism, and you have something similar to the Shadowghost problem, which upon further reflection, is awfully similar to the dolt infestation.
Versatur Circa Quid!
To locate a Shadowghost requires a wall. Any small shadow (usually an orb) that passes on the wall without cause is likely a Shadowghost. The Spirit is highly territorial and will not share a wall with another Shadowghost, which is somewhat idiotic because multiple moving shadows would have a greater haunt value. This is where, my learned self believes, their meekness comes in. Shadowghosts are notoriously shy and that does not mix with possessiveness. No Shadow would dare to intrude on another, yet they claim a peculiar fierce bravado.
Still, they are stubborn about their name. There have been movements to remove the “G-word” from Spirit titles. The Shadowghosts have been very Bartleby on this, constantly stating “We would rather not.” For many “ghost” more than infers an article inferior to the original, which, of course is a matter of interpretation. As far as I am concerned it matters not, yet I do prefer the wonderful Quillemender moniker over “Gallghost”–”gall” meant iron gall ink, which has fallen into the historical scrapyard. It was a clunky name that failed to capture the majesty of my Spirit class.
Versatur Circa Quid!
If you locate a Shadowghost there is nothing to fear–in fact the tired axiom about him being more afraid of you holds truth. Still, it is kind to feign fright and avoid the room as much as possible. It gives them hope.
Until next week, dolts…
VCQ!
The Immortal Judge
Saragun Springs 
Dear Judge
Always a great pleasure when you deign to appear from beyond and explain the Spirit World to us quivering humans made of flesh.
Your diagnosis of the (living) human condition is always whip-smart accurate.
And your analysis of other Spirits and their inferiority to yourself also seems like it must be true.
Your voice resonates through the ages (not to mention through walls) and you display how the Voice itself is what makes Literature, every time.
Without a voice, an odd (in a good way) and one-of-a-kind voice, after all, you yourself would be nothing but air, thin, thin air.
Luckily that’s not the case!
Thanks for another brilliant column from the Beyond about the beyond – and the here and now!
D
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Versatur Circa Quid, Drifter!
You are intelligent, charming and extrordinarily on target for a organizaion of breathing atoms. It appears that your parents reared (and fronted) you well.Most persons in your current state usually worry more about their hair than they do about their eternal occupation. Such persons should not be confused when the gavel drops their sentence, but they are never properly prepared.
As you have likely guessed, any amount of time as a Footfallfollower passes with astonishing slowness, therefore early preperation for one’s eternal career is highly reccomended!
VCQ!
Although you should remain on the inexplicably more popular side of the daisies for many years to come, it is never too soon to secure a loftier position than that of commoners (3F’s, Shadows, Coldspot’s and so forth). Being literary I can feature you as a Quill, but perhaps (with my learned aid), we can set up a new Spirit Office well in advance. A Drifter Spirit of your creation would be both new and interesting. This would require a motto, aegis and a Spirit Domain name.
Points to consider!
VCQishly yours,
Judge J.P. Montague
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Dear Judge J.P.
Thank you so much for your high compliments, laudable advice, and enviable suggestions, not to mention uncanny commentary in general.
A Drifter Spirit Office sounds like an amazing idea and you can rest assured, if you ever do rest, that the Drifter will be considering the possibilities at all levels and layers of existence he’s capable of contacting right now.
Thanks again!
I remain yours on a potentially infinite level (or in a realm of literary infinity and maybe even infamy, at least to certain segments of the populace – the so-called “respectable” ones, that is).
Sincerely,
The Drifter
PS
VCQ!
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Greetings again Drifter
Yes, indeed, a Spirit for Drifters is greatly needed. In fact there are none of the ilk I have met.
Being a Drifter (in the transient sense) was useful when I was on the bench.
Three hots and a cot in exchange for a 30 days of ditch digging was actually a career move in the mid-1800’s.
VCQ!
The Judge
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Great stuff.
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