The Oz Exception: Part Sixteen

To keep the adverbs to a minimum, I held the narrative, and affixed a spy cam to Barkevious’ collar so I could watch the adventure unfold and describe it. But he managed to lose the cam about five steps into the journey and all it showed was a stretch of the linoleum road that had been scarred by years of carelessly dropped cigarette butts. Of course, since I had forgotten to place the microphone on anyone, it really didn’t matter.

This minor setback required downing my Faerie Ale boilermaker and chasing it with a small vial of special blend, peyote-infused tequila. This potion allowed me to cast a portion of my consciousness into the astral plane, therefore giving me insight into actions that I could not possibly know anything about. (Yes, I do write this stuff, but the liberal, literal Free Will of my FC’s has yet to produce results equal, or even similar to the written script.) Anyway, it was a hell of a plan B and I wish I had thought it up sooner. (Remember, I too have Saragun Springs’ Free Will.)

Being a cartoon, Peety needs nothing except his magic can of PDQ, being Dogs, Beezer and Barkevious require food every hour or so (or so they claim). So I made certain that there were plenty of caches of Dog food along the way, even though the adventure was slated for only three thousand words of real time. Promo insisted on a catered tuna, which the Baw Bros knew better than to touch. For Daisy, being a Goat, the forest is a great buffet. She began munching on Woakcorns that lay on the portion of the linoleum road that passed through the Woak Grove. Naturally, this infuriated the Woaks.

“Murderer! No regard for our precious children!”

Daisy had heard all this before. Although she was endowed with great charm, there is also something quite steely about her personality. No one can make Daisy cry. Certainly not a tree.

“Funnily funny way to treaty treat your children,” she said. “Leavingly leaving them on the groundly ground.” Then she bit into a Woakcorn. “Ohhh, this one tastes like shatterly shattered floral dreamly dreams.”

Naturally, the Woaks began to pelt her with their “precious children.” Fortunately, Woaks have shitty throwing limbs. They are accurate but speed and distance are lacking. This, of course, is due to a lack of protein in the Woak diet.

Daisy laughed and capered away with a sack full of Woakcorns. (Daisy is all about preparation. She carries empty foraging sacks wherever she goes.)

Then the wholesomely evil image of HeXopatha’s face got in the way of mine on the astral plane. Sometimes that happens, there is no such a thing as an astral plane controller.

“I see you’ve dipped into the peyote again, darling,” she said.

“What are you doing here?” I sighed.

“The same thing you are, just keeping an eye on developments.”

“Well,” I said, “it might be a fine idea to switch the narrative over to the protagonist.”

HeXy smiled.

End Part Sixteen