The ugsome plot development required the assembly of a team to venture into the Enchanted Wood to retrieve Gwen and John–even though Gwen was sending smiling selfies taken with various Hobgoblins and such low persons.

I handpicked five, since Oz fans neglect to count Toto in the “Big Four.” Apparently they consider him an extension of Dorothy. We hold no such prejudices.

Thus Beezer, Barkevious, Professor Moriarty, Peety and Daisy were gathered in my office. I was about to explain the seamless details of my plan, but, as always, anarchy fomented and took over.

It began well enough:

“I’ll be Dorothy,” said Daisy, who had donned a gingham dress because she recently discovered method acting. It worked out because no one else wanted to wear a dress.

“Peety, you’re a natural for the Scarecrow,” I said as quickly as possible because I didn’t want to give him time to think about the mindless aspect of the role. And Barkevious, who had gotten into the sugar and was mindlessly yipping and prancing, was selected as Toto because of the close resemblance.

The hell began when I assigned the Tin Man role to the Professor. I thought he would be perfect, being the heartless little Feline son of a bitch he is.

But, no, Beezer wanted that part. He thought being the Cowardly Lion was beneath him; and the Prof (from here “Promo”) objected because he is a Cat and that is what Cats do, and the concept of being afraid of anything was something he could, or should I say, would not accept.

An ugsome plot development indeed, which led to Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow and two goddamn Tin Men headed off into the Wood.

Unlike swank fantasy worlds such as Narnia, Hundred Acre Wood or Oz, we are a poverty row realm (our pending claim on 16 Psyche withstanding). So instead of a yellow brick road we rolled a sheet of marigold linoleum that had passed through the vortex ages before.  We pretended it was the real deal.

“Be sure to bring back, HeXy’s…” here I faltered because HeXopatha hates brooms, “um…never mind. Good luck.”

I watched them go and poured a shot of Jack into a tankard of Faerie Ale. Strange visions bloomed in the brew…

End part fifteen