Lambystan

Goat v. Lamb Civil Poetry War the Conclusion

Another Introduction

As hoped for, my brilliant post yesterday brought an end to the Goat v. Lamb War. But, not wholly unforeseen, both sides have aimed their antipathy at me.

But being the leader of the realm, I have the personal fortitude and liquor cabinet to withstand obloquy.

So, in the name of see-through-it-ness (I hate the corporate term for that), I stiff upper-lipply present the last two poems on this subject by the formerly warring sides. No one has said so, but I think the kids have gotten a bit bored and are ready to move on toward further vexations. So, I’m going to consider these poems by both sides a peace settlement and move the liquor cabinet closer to my desk.

Leila

“A Hoggishly Hog Pen for the Penname!” by Dame Daisy

i

The barnyard is calm tonight

But the Pen is full of smite!

She insults the Ruminant creed

With a fable of dubiously dubious breed

ii

I say Lambs we should end our fight

And take up against the Pennish fright

She who disparages the Daisy and Sheep

Is the ultimate creeply creep!

“Us Too” by the Lambs

i

Lambs do not caper in the sod

Nor frolick with their bods

The Pen who wrote that trash

Is as guilty as razor rash!

ii

Let the hooves unite

We now know a new fight!

The Pen is our enemy

Unite herbivores in enmity!

Afterword

Well, that’s how things are going in the Springs. I guess the hoofed (or is that hooved?) ones were insulted by their portrayals in yesterday’s fable. Actually, that was the intent. Fortunately the inhabitants of Saragun Springs are all talk and zero action. But, just in case, I’ve hired three Rat bodyguards, John, Wilkes and Booth, triplets born on the Ides of March. And although that joke is a bit American, and dated, like all useless ideas, it can be googled.

LA

Saragun Verse: Goat v Lamb Civil Poem War, Day Four

(The careful, or at least conscious reader, may have noted the header images have nothing to do with the text this week. Now, they could if I decided to go on a metaphysical rant, but I will not. Lacking images from a Pygmy Goat and Lamb Civil War, I have chosen images I like–LA)

You Broke the Wind of War by Dame Daisy

i

Wretched fuzz balls walk on four cloven hoovely hooves

Never in key with the Goatly Goatess tunes

The Moving Hoof is steadfast and mighty

Whilst Lambs trot about unclean and unsightly

ii

Doth Goatesses need to be shown the shears?

Doth Goatesses look the same front and rear?

The answer is too clearly abundant

Goats ruley rule little Lambs redundant!

Oh Yeah! By The Lambs

i

Oh Yeah! Say we the Lamb Collective

Oh Yeah! To you the mental defective

Tin can eater you will dine on your words

You feta dispenser of sour curds

ii

We challenge you to fight a Civil War

We will win and you will lose…um, erm, in a word that rhymes with war

We shall rule the Saragun countryside

And you will kiss the hooves that, um erm, rhyme with countryside in a cool way!

Dame Daisy after seeing the Lambystan Anthem has insisted on equal time:

Daisy Dell (sort of to the tune of Good King Wences)

Daisy Dell promises hell

To the children of Shee-heep

Daisy Dell shall ring the bell

When their dip gets to dee-heep

Adverbally wonderfully and swee-eet

Daisy Dell will be hell for the children of Shee-heep

Saragun Verse: Goat v. Lamb Poem Battle Three

(Everyday I have struggled to come up with a somewhat sense-making explanation for this situation. Today I give up.)

Leila

Pain in the Asp by Dame Daisy

i

A wise Asp told me to never trust Lambs

“They pull wool over the truth like lil tams”

When you can’t get a good word from a Snake

You are the foulest natural mistake

ii

It offendly offends the Moving Hoof

To waste her lines on silly goofly goofs

Whilst bacteria, germs, fleas roust in snout

Yet are more attractive to write about

And The Lambs Say…

i

Tut tut Goatess in a childish huff

We are well learned in useless stuff

Yo Mama was as scary as a scream

Daddy’s brain boiled in Baily’s stout creme

ii

You insult and cajole Lambs on the whole

You dig into our ire like a Vole

Lo! Moving Hoof you are a churlish sort

You keep coming back like a common wart

Bonus Song:

The Lambystan Anthem (to the tune of Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree)

O Lambystan O Lambystan

Your warriors are brave and true

O Lambystan O Lambystan

They will conquer and enslave you

Throughout the night we will lead the fight

And be great woolly winners by dawn’s light

O Lambystan O Lambystan

We will kick your ass like no one can!

Saragun Civil War Poems: Day Two

Day Two of the Saragun Pygmy Goat v. Lamb Civil Poem Smackdown (please note, each poem contains quatrains but the number of quatrains varies. Moreover, some may question why one Goat will take on an entire species. Good question. )

Leila

“Woolly Mam-Mouth” by Dame Daisy

i

There was once a useless goofball named Joe

Who fell in deep love with a Doely Doe

Mauve was a Deer three times his sizely size

And he a Lamb quite dumb and googly eyed

ii

Joe did not know Mauve was a Deerly Deer

He thought she was a Lamb all sheerly sheared

No other Lamb could steer Joe to the truth

For the species has the IQ of vermouth

“Goats Float” by the Lambs

i

There is a Pygmy Goatess named Daisy

Her mind is cluttered and oh so lazy

She goes around besmirching her betters

And says Lambs cannot match her in letters

ii

Within the cluster of adverbs she slings

Fallacies as mean as Bumble Bee stings

Daisy continues to vex our highness

Who will rise and whip Goatly behindness

Saragun Verse: Civil War for August

The Poems of the Saragun Civil War by Dame Daisy and Various Lambs

Introduction

The Poems of the Saragun Civil War between Goats and Lambs are presented this week. Everyday we will feature a poem by the Pygmy Goatess Dame Daisy Kloverleaf that she sent the Lambs of the Lambystan community in Saragun Springs and the reply poem from the Lambs, ostensibly written by their leader, but it appears that it was a team effort. This was perhaps the only Civil War in history that never escalated to violence. To paraphrase Sandberg, “We held a war but everyone went to lunch.” But, to quoth Daisy. “It was hotly hot by word.”

Leila

The First Pair of War Poems

“Haggisly” by Dame Daisy Kloverleaf

i

Little Lambs O little Lambs, thou annoy

Goatly measures of pride with silly ploys

It is so clear that you don’t give a damb

About becoming humble Ewes and Rams

ii

The cold hearted dastardly deedly deeds

That invade the garden of my sweet ease

Will not by I be soonly forgotten

Each of you is an apple quite rotten

iii

By the hot beat of my hooves I proclaim

This meadow will never be samely same

Until you recant calling me sour feta

Soonerly soon than laterly latuh

“Our Reply” by Shaytan Shotten, Viceroy of Lambystan

i

O dope Goatess who’s hardly the mostest

Everything you say does so offend us

The name of your “pomely” poem perchance

Infuriates the demons of Sheep dance

ii

I am spelling as slowly as I can

We know your mind is like a can of spam

You hold onto the stupid stuff you think

Forcing the best of us to smell the stink

iii

By ruminancy powers we declare

You will surrender your foul underwear

After we win the day on the field

Mighty Lambystan shall never yield!

Afterword

Well, there you have the flavor of the struggle.

L.A.