The Saragun Gazette Presents Versatur Circa Quid by Judge Jaspar Montague, Quillemender

(Ed. note– Today and tomorrow we will share columns written by two members of the Springs for our daily paper The Saragun Gazette. These little columns are obviously inpsired by the Drifter who appears on this site every Sunday.

Today we present the first Gazette column written by the late Judge Jasper P. Montague, Quillemender. The Judge is my Great Great Great Great Grandfather (1810-1902). Since 1902 he has been a Spirit who never lets anyone forget it. The Judge “resides” in a gold gilt presentation gavel, which was given to him after nearly seventy years on the bench in Wiccanfire County, Massachusetts. Versatur Circa Quid was inscribed on it by his peers. Allegedly it is Latin for “what comes round goes round” and is the name of the Judge’s literary contribution to journalism. You will notice he uses the phrase aplenty and then some. Although some might not be pleased to be summed up by such a vague sentiment, it appeals to the Judge. –Leila)

Versatur Circa Quid! (A Staggeringly Brilliant Guide to the Spirit Community of Saragun Springs)

By Judge Jasper P. Montague, Quillemender

Versatur Circa Quid! breathers!

This week I shall opine and inform my readership on the subject of the humble Footfallfollower–commonly known as the 3F. He is a maligned Spirit accused of having a surfeit of laziness and a stunning shortage of gumption, style, wit and imagination.

The biggest problem facing the 3F is the accusations are true. Sadly, everything that lives becomes a ghost equal to the task of death as they were of use in life. Therefore it should not shock anyone to learn that the only thing the 3F’s have going for them is the largest Spirit population. Naturally this is because most people are painfully stupid.

Versatur Circa Quid!

Regardless, the first and last that 3F’s do is create an extra footfall inside cemeteries. You walk along, stop and you hear one extra step. Nothing else happens. Moreover such is seldom noticed. It would be base canard to describe another Spirit as having such shabby craft. Yet the 3F’s do not care. Leila calls them “the juggalo ghosts.” Upon studying the subject I must agree.

Still, being Spirits I feel obligated to give my priceless charity to the willingly unwashed from time to time. But really, I feel that comparing someone who produces a single extra foot step inside a cemetery to the wonders of, say, a Quillemender, requires more attention be paid to the Quill than the 3F.

Versatur Circa Quid!

Even a Footfollower knows that we Quillemenders reorganize extant written passages, without the original author’s knowledge. We greatly improve letters; via our alchemy pedestrian gibberish is transformed into sterling prose. Thermal dynamics, not insipid incantations, allow us to accomplish our art. But since most of you are obviously 3F timber, I will attempt to impress no further science on you.

You are welcome.

Versatur Circa Quid!

As a Quill, I must constantly evolve with technology. When I started after my decease in 1902, missives were written by hand or with crude typing machines that few dolts could afford let alone master. Books and newspapers, of course, were done by the printing press. Today there is room for legions of Quills to reside in various electronic devices; virtual lettering is ridiculously simple to emend, and proofing (and spelling) seems to be a thing of the past. Unfortunately there’s a shortage of intellects among the living suitable to be a Quillemender, but we the grand few persevere with tarty elan.

Behold! “The secretary told the assembly he was inclined to do a bit of fucking.” An Irish Quill got that jewel into the London Times in the 19th century. It remains a hall of fame bit of Quillemending. And it is the standard we strive to meet today.

Versatur Circa Quid!

Alas and alack, how does adding an extra “clonk” that rarely matches the tone of a footfall compare?

But if you need to meet a common Footfallfollower (perhaps seeking a glimpse of your future), go to any cemetery, walk the stone path, stop and listen. On any given day you will hear single thuds emanating from many graves. But when you wish to seek the inspiring awe and majesty of a Quillemender, revisit certain emails you sent your boss last week prior to your unexpected “downsizing.”

Versatur Circa Quid!

Your Master,

Judge Jasper P. Montague, Quillemender

Goat v Lamb Civil Poem War Day Five: A Special Episode

Hello Readers.

This week we have explored the poetic elements of the Goat v. Lamb Civil War of Saragun Springs. For four days both sides have tossed poetic crapbombs at each other. It has reached the point that I have decided to jump in with a possible solution. Call it a Feckless Fable and perhaps the key to World Peace. Or you can just call it Friday and head to the bar when the whistle blows.

(The fifth and final round of G v L will appear tomorrow)

Yours,

Leila

The Goat and Lamb of Paradise: A Feckless Fable

After the bombs dropped, God scrubbed further experiments with the human race. It had been the third Universe she had created just to watch people destroy. This was because: A.) Most of them were stupid; B.) Whole destruction is far easier to accomplish than achieving bliss.

On the fourth iteration of the Universe, God held back people and placed a Pygmy Goat and a Lamb in Eden IV, to see what would happen. But she had to return upon realizing that not much of anything would happen save for mindless grazing and sleeping unless the creatures could talk and think. So, God endowed them with the gift of gab and personalities. If it worked out then she would fill the garden with natural Goats and Lambs to allow for procreation. For the time being, both critters were as sexually potent as scarecrows. And although they ate plenty, they neither changed size nor had to use the bathroom. The last fact made the garden smell much better than it did when it was inhabited by people.

Soon God had to return again because although she had given both the ability to speak and think, she had inadvertently blessed them with different languages. To be fair, Universe creation is a tough gig and errors happen all the time. After endowing the Goat and Lamb with a basic, common ruminant tongue, God decided to hang around. She sat on a rock and waited for the next mistake to present itself.

“Hello, what’s your name?” The little Sheep asked upon meeting the Goat.

“Daisy,” said the Goat. “And yours?”

“Maisy! We rhyme! Say why don’t you and I dance in the clover and be happy forever and ever!”

“I was thinking the same thing!”

Then the pair began capering, frolicking and mincing in the clover throughout the meadow. There were glitter rainbows, lollipops and tiny hearts hanging in the air.

“Oh, Jesus H. Kee-ryste,” mumbled God, who reinvented liquor and fixed herself a Manhattan.

The Amoral: Life Without Spice is Way too Nice.

Coda:

I do hope that this mixed message provides a lesson for our combatants. Things are more interesting when one says down to another’s up. Friction, little ones, drives the world!

We will see when the poetry smackdown concludes tomorrow.

Leila

Saragun Verse: Civil War for August

The Poems of the Saragun Civil War by Dame Daisy and Various Lambs

Introduction

The Poems of the Saragun Civil War between Goats and Lambs are presented this week. Everyday we will feature a poem by the Pygmy Goatess Dame Daisy Kloverleaf that she sent the Lambs of the Lambystan community in Saragun Springs and the reply poem from the Lambs, ostensibly written by their leader, but it appears that it was a team effort. This was perhaps the only Civil War in history that never escalated to violence. To paraphrase Sandberg, “We held a war but everyone went to lunch.” But, to quoth Daisy. “It was hotly hot by word.”

Leila

The First Pair of War Poems

“Haggisly” by Dame Daisy Kloverleaf

i

Little Lambs O little Lambs, thou annoy

Goatly measures of pride with silly ploys

It is so clear that you don’t give a damb

About becoming humble Ewes and Rams

ii

The cold hearted dastardly deedly deeds

That invade the garden of my sweet ease

Will not by I be soonly forgotten

Each of you is an apple quite rotten

iii

By the hot beat of my hooves I proclaim

This meadow will never be samely same

Until you recant calling me sour feta

Soonerly soon than laterly latuh

“Our Reply” by Shaytan Shotten, Viceroy of Lambystan

i

O dope Goatess who’s hardly the mostest

Everything you say does so offend us

The name of your “pomely” poem perchance

Infuriates the demons of Sheep dance

ii

I am spelling as slowly as I can

We know your mind is like a can of spam

You hold onto the stupid stuff you think

Forcing the best of us to smell the stink

iii

By ruminancy powers we declare

You will surrender your foul underwear

After we win the day on the field

Mighty Lambystan shall never yield!

Afterword

Well, there you have the flavor of the struggle.

L.A.

Saragun Verse: Moonfog Madrone and The Sun

i

Moonfog Madrone stared at the Sun.

And the Sun gazed upon he.

“Tell me star, away so far,

What can you do for me?”

ii

And the Sun said: “I can boil the rivers and blast the land;

I can melt the peaks and glass the sand.”

Moofog laughed, “I’ve seen it before and will again.

No my friend, what’s in it for me?”

iii

And the Sun said: “Whatever god made you won’t allow you to die;

You go on forever and will even outlast me, I expect.

The perfect candidate to mock eternity:

An arrogance never to know the mercy of death.”

iv

The Sun fell below the distant range

And Moonfog laughed throughout the night

“He’s a poor old fool cursed to rule,

A toss of rocks for his own spite.”

Ode To Forage by The Moving Hoof

*

You ask why I love alfalfa and hay,

Apples, celery, barley and salt lick;

Peas, carrots and the darling legumes of May

But ne’er nasty corn dogs on a stick

*

I’ve heard all the rumors about my breed

We eat tin cans and other vile stuff

Let me set you straight our food is from seed

As you are what you eat, talking cheese puff

*

Bean sprouts singly sing a beckoning song

But not for humans who store them dumbly

We Goats wonder how you get them so wrong

E coli from shoots? the heart beats glumly

*

My fey sonnet began with a question

The answer is natural selection

The Continuing Rubaiyat of Saragun Springs by Dame Daisy Kloverleaf (translated by Leila)

(image has nothing to do with the post–just fond of the subject)

i

My brother Fenwick is a bit hazy

He says weed in the morning keeps him lazy

Stonily stoned from Pongrise to Pongset

Fenwick is a beatnik, not a Daisy

ii

With our half brother Buckfast he goes round

To poetry slams and other jazzy grounds

Where work is the most discouraging word

You can hear hooves clapping out happy sounds

iii

And you will see them at the trackly track

Betting on Peonies who have the knack

Racing flowers of incredible high skill

With sweet Butterfly jockeys on their backs

iv

Fi-did-lee Fenwick leads an actors’ life

And Buckfast is as keen to avoid strife

Goat and Geep worshiping Saints Cheech and Chong

Break up this rhyme scheme when they pass the bong

June in Saragun Springs

Welcome to June in Saragun Springs. (Image of perhaps the last pay telephone in the northern hemisphere)

As stated long ago, the FC’s of the Springs do not work on Sundays. Here, as opposed to the real world, the “Boss” is the only one who dons the yoke on the Sabbath. The Union of Imaginary Friends and Fictional Characters (UIFFC) used to include Pennames until it was pointed out that “we” are the reason why “they” felt a union was needed in the first place.

Bastards.

But I was still bothered by the open day that I can never use. Then inspiration came out of Chicago. I asked Dale Williams Barrigar (no stranger to the Springs, yet free of UIFFC tyranny) if he would like to present a weekly Sunday column of his design. And my luck was in, he said yes. The column, which I think Dale should introduce, soon, will begin this month, and I for one look forward to it.

Last month featured the first ever Guest Writer Week. Dale was the guest artist and he set all kinds of site records for views. This month the final full week of the month, Monday through Friday the 23rd to 27th, is reserved for Mr. Douglas Hawley.   If any of you would like to get material out into the world, mainly poetry, I invite you to put in for a Guest Week. Email saragunsprings@gmail.com and maybe that can happen.

Currently, other than the newly minted Sunday and Guest Weeks, other days will feature poetry by members of the realm M-W (with further help from Dale) and novel length works by yours truly prsented in a serialized fashion.

Every Saturday in May I presented a novel in progress called You Remembered Everything. I have decided that I need more breathing room to do it right. Further half-assed chapters will not do. Tentatively, chapters five through eight should be ready for July.

But in the meantime, I will be running two novellas that are already completed. The first, INRI will appear this coming Saturday 7 June. It is based on material published on Literally Stories UK, with new material and a different structure. It is the first little “book” in a series that (I hope) will make one big book. It will be published one chapter at a time, every other day until completion. This should buy me the needed hours for the current project.

Once again, an invitation to everyone (preferably everyone who follows the site) is extended to appear on the site one week during future months. July is the next opening. Send your poems, stories, essays to saragunsprings@gmail.com and I will be happy to share you with my dozens of readers (well almost that many).

Again it goes without saying, but it will be said anyway, hateful stuff that touts the KKK, Nation of Islam or celebrates the anniversary edition of something like Mein Kampf will be shown the trash button so fast it will be like the stuff never was. Same goes for pornography and Unabomber-esque manifestos.

Good Sunday to all,

Leila

You Remembered Everything Chapter Four

When Tommy Lemolo was fourteen she broke her left leg playing school softball. It was a gruesome injury involving both her tibia and fibula.

“Never break a bone before? Looks like you have a special talent for it,” a vaguely cute Xray tech joked with her at the hospital as he wheeled her in for pictures. A healthy shot of morphine had placed Tommy in a state of serenity; it made people funnier and cuter than they might have been judged previously. It thickened her senses, therefore she did not register the look of deep concern on the tech’s face nor his change in attitude after he had viewed the first images.

A lot more pictures and concerned faces followed. Eventually Tommy learned the awful truth: Osteosarcoma. Bone cancer.

It cost Tommy her left leg at the knee and endless hours of chemotherapy. But she gained the “cure”– that is if “in remission” (a phrase Tommy found a bit non-committal) can be taken as a cure. For six years her checkups have returned clean, and she figured that once she passed the ten year mark she would be gold.

Still, you never know.

Tommy, however, learned that you could go through life as though it was an endless game of Russian roulette or just get on with it. One of the nurses who had lost a leg in a motorcycle accident said “Look at it this way kid, you will go through life stubbing only half as many toes.” Tommy figured that she wasn’t the first amputee to hear that from the same nurse. But it was a positive thing. Regardless, uplifting sentiments, bumper sticker slogans and spitting in the devil’s eye perkiness only get you so far. It renders down to living in fear, fretting over every bump and pain, just waiting, or getting on with it.

Tommy was all about getting on with it. She had stayed the night at Irene’s, as was her habit when the PDQ came out (although she only drank half a can–oddly fresh or otherwise, the stuff really was piss). She rose quietly a bit after six, and got ready for a run. Ever since her brush with death, Tommy was never tired upon waking. Even on slightly under four hours’ sleep she was ready to go. She loved to run in the early morning. The world was hers and she had room to think. She experienced the mornings and did not hide from it behind earbuds the way so many others did.

It was going to be a beautiful day. The air was cool and clean–there wasn’t a sluggish summer breeze carrying the high stink of garbage or the charnel stench of small deaths in the high grass. Tommy noticed that the cemetery’s main gate was already open, which was a happy surprise. Being inside New Town in the morning was like being under water, amongst the shadows of the yews and maples. Moreover, the circular path that was about a quarter mile in length went down then back up the face of the graveyard. It attracted many runners and dog walkers.

Tommy entered the cemetery and chose to run right. If she had gone left she would not have seen the corpse of Holly More propped up at the foot of the great maple because he was on the other side of it.

She ran and avoided the areas where the spray of the automatic sprinkler system overshot the grass and landed on the pathway. There were people who bitched about that sort of thing, but the getting on with it mindset does not linger on such inane matters. And as she hit her stride, Tommy’s mind flitted from subject to subject like a hummingbird.

“Weird Ellie coming out… ‘dreamt of a man and lady in the graveyard’… Dow Lady–why haven’t I ever seen her? Everyone else has…bastards Ha! Goddam snobby ghost–ha! Maybe a joke…naw…hey, who’s the fucker frying bacon while I’m being all healthy like–bastard–Ha!”

This line of thought stopped soon after Tommy had made the turn and was halfway up the hill. She saw some guy lying against the big maple tree. At first she went on “Yellow Alert.” Often homeless people would catch a bit of sleep inside the cemetery. Another thing Tommy had gained from her illness was compassion, but you could only have so much compassion when you are a young woman clad in running shorts and a tee shirt (fake leg withstanding) and there is no one else around.

At first she slowed down and waved. No reply. Upon drawing closer she saw he was out for the count. His body lay limp and his head was bowed. Closer still and she saw flies landing and departing from him.

“Hello?” she said, her trepidation set aside. Something told her he was dead. Still, young women in shorts and tees explore situations even after “something” gives them inside information. Then she saw the needle, the tubing, the dried trickle of dried blood, which (Tommy assumed) had attracted the flies. She knelt on her one real knee about five feet away from the man, and without taking her eyes off of him she extracted her phone from a compartment she had devised in her prosthetic (all kinds of shit in there–wallet, gum, smokes for healthy living, etc).

Tommy opened her phone and called 911. And although she had looked away from him for maybe half a second, when she looked back there was a ghost beside him. This was when time stopped for roughly seven seconds (only time can be stopped for an amount of itself; the eternal paradox). The wispy glimmer of a woman was obviously a ghost because people are not see through and are not like to hover above the ground as this individual did. Stunned, Tommy gazed at the ghost. The ghost finally laughed and said, albeit from what sounded like a very long distance, “You will remember everything.” Time resumed and when the operator said “911, what is your emergency?” the ghost vanished.

******

Emma, who, like Holly and the mind she referred to as Keeper, was centered in the great tree. She watched Tommy leave the house and enter the gate which Keeper had unlocked with a quick blue bolt of electricity a few minutes after sunrise. Apparently, Keeper had over-estimated the voltage necessary to unlock it–therefore that was one lock that would never work again–it leapt off the gate and lay in the grass, fused into a molten mess. Emma always found it amusing whenever the all powerful Keeper goofed. Stuff like that had happened before–once with even greater energy.  Emma remembered a dead pine felled during a fierce storm in 1962. (She also got hit with a bolt of lightning that day and Dow Lady sightings were higher than ever for weeks). It appeared that it would crush the small Caretaker’s Cottage, and two City employees who had taken refuge there. Emma believed that Keeper’s intent was to nudge the thing out of harm’s way. Keeper was very spare with “her” resources and Emma understood that Keeper did not seek human attention. But instead of pushing the pine to one side with an electric “shove,” Keeper blew it into toothpicks. The concussion knocked out many windows, but the city employees were saved. 

And although Holly was “there” as a tree spirit for lack of a better term, his mind had been sucked into a Legend–his energy ebbed at a low pulse and she figured that it would remain that way until sunset. Emma had always wondered how that went. “Do I vanish, or am I still in the tree?” For over seventy years, she had “kept the Legends” for Keeper, and today was the first time she hadn’t been sent into the life of one of the persons buried at New Town since her arrival in 1943.

It was a pleasant development, seeing the sun again with her own mind. Whenever Keeper culled electricity from storms and the air itself, She (meaning Keeper, again for a lack of a proper term) stored it, assumedly in the tree, which really was not a tree in the common sense. Emma had learned how to tap the power after she had been inadvertently hit by lightning in 1966 (something that Keeper had not arranged). She found that with a little practice she could “thinktoward” her shape and project it wherever she wanted to in the cemetery. Emma found it amusing to do this when Tommy appeared at the foot of the tree.

But there was also a necessity involved. Emma and Holly had twenty one days to make contact with Tommy and Irene (whom Emma had watched grow up, as she had “known” Elsbeth Allison nearly all her life as well). By the twenty-first of the month, a certain task must be accomplished. Emma had never directly communicated with Keeper, she was on the need to know basis, but she knew the outline of the situation if not yet the specifics.

Fortunately, Emma was very intelligent and despite being dead she could still learn new things. Every night when she returned from a Legend, the number that began as 25963 and reduced to zero in her mind as she died, went up by one. At sunset, after her final “dip” into a Legend, the number twenty-two entered her mind, and twenty-one did the same. Long long before, within her first week of odd conscription, Emma had figured that 25963 was how many days she had lived–from 20 May 1872 to 21 June 1943. She inferred that it must also be the number of days of her service.

What happened after that, she had no idea. But she had an idea and if it could happen it would be wonderful.

******

The aftermath of Holly More’s (supposedly) lonely death was well attended. Three police cars, two aid vehicles (featuring two nearly identical semi-cute EMT’s both with the same, haircuts Navy tattoos on their forearms. and (for no known reason) and a firetruck, all arrived soon after Tommy placed the call. She took advantage of the interval and went inside to fetch her sweat pants. 

After six different cops (one of whom was a friend of her dad’s) had asked Tommy essentially the same questions, she figured that she had been “cleared” from the suspects’ list–as though there were any other except for what was in the needle.

Irene had been in a state of semi-consciousness when Tommy darted into her room and told her there was a “deadguyinthecemeteryandaghostohmygod.” Tommy was in and out of the room in sweats within two seconds, three tops. Irene was much coffee and at least two cigarettes away from making sense of what Tommy had told her.

Slowly, Irene rose and peeked through the blinds on her bedroom window and saw a procession of emergency vehicles pull up to the main gate of the cemetery. Although a bit sluggish without adequate levels of the substances she was addicted to in her system, Irene figured what Tommy told her probably had something to do with it. 

“What happened?” she asked Tommy, meeting her at the gate about twenty-five minutes later. Gram was still sleeping. Irene almost brought the baby monitor speaker, but she recalled its sudden death. Besides, it was out of range anyway. She toted a comically large gas station coffee cup instead. She offered some to Tommy, who accepted.

“I was running and found a dead guy against the tree–had a needle in his arm,” Tommy said. “I also saw the Dow Lady.”

“That’s a bit of a news overload for a Tuesday morning,” Irene said, lighting the day’s second cigarette. “Um, dead guy and the Dow Lady?”

“I really saw her–and I just found this.”

Tommy pulled up her left pant leg and opened the compartment in her prosthetic. She made sure no one was looking then showed Irene a lump of metal that somewhat resembled a padlock, and stashed it back inside.

“Whazzat?”

“The gate was unlocked. Figured it was still open from yesterday–too early otherwise.”

“That the lock?”

“Duude, I do wish you’d wake up quicker.”

“Awake enough to know about withholding evidence.”

“You watch too much CSI.”

“How come you hiding it then?”

“The Dow Lady,” Tommy said, as though it explained everything. 

The driver of a white van lightly beeped his horn because the girls were in his way. 

“Sorry,” Tommy said, quickly dropping the leg of her sweatpants to cover the lock.

“That’s the coroner,” Irene said. “Same guy who picked up Mrs. Lonney a couple years back.”

“Who?”

“You remember her–she lived over in that little brown house…Mars bars on Halloween…had the weird little dog named Barfy.” 

Irene remembered that there had been some talk about bring Barfy on board after Mrs. Lonney’s death (which happened at least two days before she was discovered). Fortunately, one of her sons took him in. There were few animals that Irene didn’t love on sight, and Barfy was one of them. He was a small Heinz 57 of some sort, and a mean little bastard at that, always nipping, always making noise. 

“Her? That was hella long ago,” Tommy said. “Sixth grade.”

Emma listened to the girls (in her mind they would always be the girls, as was Elsbeth). Even though she was several hundred feet away, she could “thinktoward” any conversation or person in the cemetery; it was the same as being there. 

And although she could see the area surrounding New Town, she had no power to reach beyond what was obviously an artificial habitat. Irene was being an irritant because she kept stepping in then out of the cemetery. But she was able to infer from Tommy’s replies that the conversation, save for the lock and the sighting of herself, was fairly inane. 

“Are these guys done with you?” Irene said. “I probably should make sure Gram’s still alive.” She said nothing about the dead man, but she knew he would bound into her mind later, as most sad things did when she was alone. It was getting to be a hard world in which dead people were found lying about almost monthly, in a town of under forty-thousand. Harder still was acknowledging she was building a standard complacency to such news; although overdosing was old news, doing it in the graveyard was something new.

Irene’s little morbid jokes helped her survive, but they also carried a pang that disconcerted below the level of mention. It was something that had to refill, like a cistern, before it elicited any comment.

“Think so,” Tommy said. 

As they crossed the street and out of Emma’s reach, Tommy’s left leg began to hum. 

“Your phone’s making weird noises.”

“No,” Tommy said, “it’s in my front pocket–goddam what is it?” She bounded up the stairs to the porch swing, sat and opened the compartment. The lock was buzzing, like a June beetle.

“Don’t touch it,” Irene said.

“Like hell, I won’t–fucker’s in my leg,” Tommy said. She reached for it, hesitantly, and when she touched it the noise ceased. “Wow, it’s warm,” she said, holding the lock up to show Irene, who touched it. 

“Ow, fucker–” Irene said because she had been hit with a bolt of static electricity. “How come it didn’t zap you, ya lucky bastard?”

Because she’s still dead in some places,” something said in Irene’s mind. 

And for the second time in one morning, time, again, was stopped for an interval of its own self. This “time” it paused for seventeen seconds. Keeper had run up a time debt during her activities and it was necessary to pay the interest, like that on a credit card, now and again–though really just now–an endless now of sorts. 

For Irene, upon the shock everything was still. Tommy was still holding the lock, frozen in place. A large Monarch butterfly was suspended in the air and was a pair of goldfinches just off the porch in a similar holding pattern. And there was no sound at all, like it must be in outer space.  

“What’s this?”

You heard me,” the same voice replied. It was a man’s voice, unfamiliar, 

“Who the fuck is ‘me’?” Irene raised her voice, she did not like this at all, especially the utter silence.

Don’t be frightened. Soon, you will remember everything.”

And with that, the mostly under-appreciated sounds of the world flooded back and Tommy laughed, “You are such a baby.”

End Chapter Four 

You Remembered Everything: Chapter Three

Chapter Three

21 June 1943

The Legend of Emma Withe (Part One)

The morning paper was the usual dog of war. Other than a follow-up article about a peculiar fire at the Dow Hotel, the Charleston Sun was, as always, heavy with the blare and thump of the trumpets and drums of war. And there were the usual op-ed pieces that scolded the young men who were “waiting for an invitation to the party” instead of volunteering to defend the land of the free, home of the brave and so forth. Emma felt that these writings would carry more weight if not written by men who were safely exempt from service on account of age. Moreover, it should have been noted by the writers that most of the men of service age in Charleston were there to build and refit warships at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard. At seventy-one, Emma long knew that there were few things on earth more tiresome than an old man who has something to say.

With great reluctance, Emma turned to a quieter page in the paper. Running her finger down the updated casualty list (even the smallest communities had such a list), she waited for her heart to snag on a half-forgotten name as it had six times in the past year and a half. Whenever Emma found one of those snags, she’d send her mind back to when the dead soldier was a boy and she was his teacher at Charleston Elementary. She would endeavor to remember a day when the boy had seemed at his happiest, then she’d seal that memory in her heart and never think about the boy again.

There hadn’t been any snag in that week’s list. Emma sighed and rolled a cigarette. She pitied the boys on the list who had not been her pupils, but she had no space in her heart for them. Their deaths (which probably did not occur with the blare and thump of trumpets and drums) were just faceless redundancies to her, as they were to most everyone else. True–each had been a person with his families and friends and likes and dislikes; hopes and dreams. No disputing that. But there were just so damned many of them; lives stamped out short by foreign events already begun while they were still children. And as scarcity drives up value, a glut drops the price. A similar economy guided Emma’s heart; and she could only invest–however briefly–in the boys who had attended her fourth-grade class at Charleston. Even in retirement she could not afford to dwell long on such dark matters.

Emma laid the newspaper aside. She had a second dreary matter to dispense with.

For two weeks, Margaret’s letter had followed Emma around her rooms like a stray dog. For the first week it was stuffed inside a drawer. Unfortunately, Emma never realized just how often she needed to get into that drawer. Emma had hoped that the top cupboard would take the letter in and give it the same air of urgency that Christmas decorations have in the summertime. But the relocation to Emma’s version of Siberia proved ill-timed, for it coincided with the cupboard’s hitherto unknown busy season. And every time Emma found herself teetering on the stool, seeking out some suddenly required item, the letter wafted down onto the counter. Inexorably, Margaret’s letter found its way on to the table, the final stop.

Lewis had wondered why she just didn’t just burn the letter unopened. “That way it won’t be a bother to you.”

But that was Lewis, dear and sweet. Still a lap cat to her, even after all these years.

Always helpful, always caring, always advising. Poor Lewis. Never that helpful, caring, nor wise unto his own affairs. A buffoon, really. Lewis was too sincere to have prospered. But Lewis was the one person Emma wished to outlive; her death would hurt him immeasurably.

“All right Peggy,” Emma laughed, for the third to the last time in her life, “you win.” If it were only Peggy who had written this, she thought, knowing better, but hoping right along. Peggy was the sort of girl who’d rub daisies on her letters to “AMERICA, U.S.A.” How Emma lived for those correspondences from London. Home. Whenever she got a letter from Peggy, Emma would tear it open on the spot and hold it up against her nose; and somehow the seven thousand miles lying between Emma and her little sister were eliminated. Emma had promised to send for Peggy, someday. But promises have a knack of making liars of us all. By the time Emma finally relented and opened Margaret’s letter, forty-three years had passed since they had seen one another. And in that space of time, much had happened to both. Too much, to be honest. Little Peggy was all gone. In her place there was Margaret, which would’ve been fine if Margaret hadn’t grown up to be such a strange, one-note woman, who, like clockwork, sent equally strange, one-note letters every six months.

The letter was, as Emma had feared, all-Margaret. No “Dearest Sissy”; no stale, yet wondrous scent of daisies (which Emma allowed would have been peculiar to find in a letter sent by a fifty-four year old woman); no hint of Peggy. Like the Sun, the letter was thick with war; but not even an event as momentous as the Second World War could take the spotlight off God when Margaret wrote Emma her bi-yearly letters:

“…God found England Decadent. He commanded Satan to marshal the Nazis to smite England for its Wickedness…A Bright Day cometh, Emmalene! Our Homeland has seen the Evil of its ways! Soon She shall rise again! Come Home to God, Emmalene. Take Jesus back into your Heart! and we shall Rejoice Together! Evermore in Heaven!…”

That was the general smell of the thing. Although Emma had no reason to believe that Peggy might crawl out of Margaret like a survivor emerging from the rubble long after her empty casket had been laid into her grave, Emma always had her hopes. And no matter how many times Emma sealed Peggy into the vault, that winsome, beloved phantom always found a way to slip her chains. Emma carried Margaret’s letter to the sink. She held it by a corner, like one might hold a dead rat by its tail. She then put a match to it, and held it until she was certain that the fire wouldn’t go out when she dropped it into the basin.

The flames reminded Emma about the queer fire that had happened three nights earlier at the Dow Hotel. The blaze was confined to a single room and had taken the life of a woman. To Lewis, and half of Charleston (the other half had yet to hear), “confined” was an understatement.

“I got it all out of Joe Parnell,” Lewis, a most credulous sort of man, said, in reference to an ex-dentist who served as Deputy Coroner. “Told me if I breathed a word that he’d deny he ever said it… Told me that it was off the record.”

To which Emma smiled. Telling Lewis anything worthwhile or interesting was the same as publishing it in the Sun (which, to its credit, never ran the unsavory rumor that clung to the story–but did print an awful lot of follow up stories about the fire’s lone victim).

“’Spontaneous combustion,’” Emma said, laughing for the second to the last time in her life; echoing the thing Lewis had told her, and watching Margaret’s letter burn into Peggy’s ashes.

“Sister dear,” she said, “if not Heaven, then where else shall we meet?”

****

Emma had no plans to visit Mary in New Town Cemetery that day, even in retirement she remained a slave to routine. It was Monday, and she had gone the day before; for that is what she did on Sunday. And yet there she was, fully aware of the day, but not questioning why she had automatically walked to New Town instead of the Park Avenue Diner, where she ate lunch six days a week. It was through she had been guided like a sheep and was just as unquestioning as livestock. It was not until after death that she finally approached the why of the thing and, even more importantly, how and who?

Again, there she was standing at the foot of the Withe family plot. Which contained Mary’s grave and that of Emma’s departed and never missed husband, Robert. There lay an already paid for empty space between them.

Mary Elizabeth Withe

1900-1906

Here Lies a Mother’s Heart

Although it had been exposed to thirty seven years of weather, Mary’s headstone was polished and in all ways kept immaculate. Nary a finger of moss had invaded a letter, nor were weeds allowed to take root in the plot. Emma had twiced replaced the stone when the inevitable cracks had formed and figured she should do it again, before it was too late. Robert’s grave was untended and looked like something that had been ignored since it was filled in 1908.

Emma had complete control of her emotions. Hurtful memories could not sneak up on her. She could only experience emotions when she wanted to; only when she let them out of their cells. Mary’s death had changed Emma. It made her cold and ruthless, but only on the inside, for she was able to affect an acceptable, though aloof demeanor; her insensitivity, however, did not extend to children, or to persons such as Lewis who had something good and childlike about him that survived the push to adulthood.

Thus, she allowed herself to feel Mary only on special occasions. Regardless, at all times what passed between Emma and Mary’s memory lay beyond the reach of anyone else’s power of description. She had no feelings about Robert’s grave, nor her part in filling it. He was a closed book never to be reopened.

Upon gazing at Mary’s stone, strange emotions, lacking enough substance to gather into thoughts, began to swirl in Emma’s mind; a blizzard of half thoughts and indescribable feelings. I know thisI know all about this–why can’t I remember? She saw a small party of people moving toward her, and the sun began to move crazily in the sky, east to west with stunning speed, night and day alternating and gaining and gaining until it was all a blur. And numbers entered her thoughts: she first saw the meaningless number 20,058 and watched it reduce by one at a time with the same velocity the whipping sun marked new days.  It stopped at one. Then Emma laughed for the last time in her life. It was all clear to her. I remembered everything. But she didn’t remember everything long. A tremendous flash burst inside her head. The left side of her body died milliseconds before the rest; she fell in that direction, striking her head on Mary’s stone.

And somewhere, where cosmic records are kept, Emma’s one became zero. Yet that too wouldn’t last long.

(Author’s note. The image is obviously not June, unless at the poles. But I like it. LA)

End chapter three

Saragun Verse: Twitchazel and Poppyseed

1

Twitchazel the haunted Crabapple Tree was a progenitor

Within her stunted branches dwelled the happy ghosts of pollinators

But even at five hundred, Twitchazel was not at all dead

And in one odd spring she sprouted a bud that needed to be fed

2

A hive of ghost Bees hung from her highest limb

But ghost pollen will keep one skeleton slim

Still they helped spread the word that their master was still alive

And in need of the dust that was a must for her bud to survive

3

Poppyseed the Hummingbird heard the call for a donation

He was a giving bird and sensed Twitchazel’s frustration

So he swapped the yellow for some of the bud’s musty nectar

And spit the swill out behind a Rosebush named Hector

4

And so it goes in the enchanted wood

Every now and then comes an act of good

The apple thrived, though it grew weird and hirsute

Safe because no Eve would dare pluck such a hairy fruit