billigits

the rubaiyat of the billigits part twenty (translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

the wee billigits flew to camelot

cos it sounded like a magical spot

they met arthur merlin and galahad

but neither guinevere nor lancelot

ii

rumors of cheating abounded

the lady of the lake sounded drownded

even excalibur was dulled by truth

bitter cold confoundingly confounded

iii

twas a medieval hank williams hurt song

wife and best friend did the king wrongly wrong

but there are two sides to every love tale

some said arthur lingered at the inn long

iv

the billigits offered to mediate

a settlement they would negotiate

avalon froze and the sky grew heavy

when they told the king he was free to date

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part nineteen (translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

wedding bells sounded across the green moors

but not for the wuthering pair of yore

willie the magic donkey had found love

a venus named peggy the flying horse

ii

together wed under a sycamore tree

me and you and the mule make threely three

and there were no rom-com rules to follow

saragun springs is more real than reality

iii

a chorus of bats and rats sang sweetly

the billies were at the meet and greetly

only sour note was raised by a weasel

who dared asked the scribe what is a greetly

iv

it’s a poetic device quickly quick

designed as a literary trickly trick

inferring moodly mood and suchy-such

like placing your head on a stickly stick

The rubaiyat of the billigits: part eighteen translated by dame daisy cloverleaf

i

kathy and heathcliff were back on the moors

he was deep in payback she high on scorn

overhead the billigits flewly flew

and called how often do you need be warned

ii

heathcliff stated he knew no other stance

kathy averred love’s suicidal dance

happily unhappy ever after

was their idea of lively romance

iii

the billigits were nonplussedly nonplussed

in a world where wonders were surplus

that two would choose melodrama and hurt

o’er heaven on the moors felt unjust

iv

heaven is company manners said he

yawning in churches and faked bliss said she

and the billigits flew home enlightened

that the two ghostly ghosts could not make three

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part seventeen translated by dame daisy kloverleaf

i

a comet entered the saragun blue

why it had come to us nobody knew

the billigits flew on up to meet it

no worries just to say how do ya do

ii

it turned out not to be a comet stray

but willie the donkey lighting hairspray

a match the can and the odd desire

to be a painful ass made his dayly day

iii

now willie you will never come to good

burning a hole in ozone like a hood

he smiled his smiley smile and winked

i am young thus always misunderstood

iv

you see nothing is noticed til it goes wrong

like a sour note in a sweet old song

i have come to protest lazy nature

for not making the sky aquanet strong

the rubaiyat of the billigits part sixteen: translated by dame daisy kloverleaf

i

there are no billigits in nantucket

nor are there any found in pawtucket

they live for gamely games and flyin high

if life was a flower they would pluck it

ii

the billigits loathe dirty limericks

and those who snigger at porcupine pricks

or look up bastard in the dictionary

or greet every richard with hey dick

iii

willie the donkey likes cleanly poems

he says they remind him of homey homes

ask me not how oems rhymely rhymes with omes

or the moving hoof will smack your doh-um

iv

there are no billigits in nantucket

nor are there any in pawtucket

yet if you put a straw in a highball

all the billigits are sure to suck it

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part fifteen translated by dame Daisy kloverleaf

i

willie went out flying one windy night

he sat on a cloud to contemplate life

then he heard somethin big comin his way

a herd of ghost cows with riders behind

ii

willie watched them rush past in the pingshine

a lesser donkey would have lost his mind

but magic willie is made of sterner stuff

the flyin donkey whooped a mighty cry

iii

yippily kai yay yippily kai yo

Iooky at all that good hamburger roll

kai yay yippily kai yo yippily

i will take two double cheesers to go

iv

one of the riders stopped a spelly spell

change your ways son lest you want helly hell

but willie was lost in his own deep thoughts

and said better throw in some fries as well

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part fourteen (translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

doublely double toil and trouble

a watched cauldron nae boils nor bubbles

high toned witches brew takes hours to reduce

into an ichor coaxed from hells rubble

ii

beauty is what beautilly beauty does

it sticks to the heart like peach to its fuzz

and once caught it is not easy to budge

love potions work but they outlast the buzz

iii

the billigits bottled the green vials

each they one corked with a smiley smile

there is gold in such said the witch laughing

but hearts wane crossing the dusty miles

iv

love came to be for heathcliff and kathy

who discovered late its penalty

forever together is a long time

to wildly roll in the greenly green

the rubiayat of the billigits: part thirteen

(translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

the billigits hootch distillery

makes hundred proof liquid artillery

but it is best to sip it calmly calm

lest you drink yourself onto the pillory

ii

willie donkey downs a quart everyday

he offers some to horses who say neigh

horses are not snobbly snobs or too high

they prefer equine beer made from good hay

iii

there is an e in scotland scotch whiskey

most of the rest go second vowell free

billies spell it w-h-i-s-k-i

and call it whiskigits on delivery

iv

two fingers lead to three sheets in the wind

magic donkeys drink from bucket and bin

lacking fingers they do not much worry

cos it takes hands to carry original sin

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part twelve

(translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

monday billigits are full of faces

eyeing little mirrors in strange places

tuesday billigits listen to grace slick

eyeing small white rabbits in blank spaces

ii

wednesday billigits playin hooky

in pooly pool halls learning snooki

thursday billies say it is snooker

that means hooky hooker cooker cookie

iii

friday billigits are about drinkin

with willie the donkey come home stinkin

saturday gits want the hair of the dog

and magic donkeys are for that thinkin

iv

sunday billigits are free on bail

the night before was quite the third sail

with willie they did paint the town bright blue

magic donkeys never go to jail

the rubaiyat of the billigits: part eleven

(translatedly translated by dame daisy kloverleaf)

i

gather around and you will hearly hear

bout the midnight flight of wasted reindeer

the billigits saw them high in the sky

cupid slurring santa smellin of beer

ii

a snowflake inquisition was brought to wit

called by puritan karen hypocrites

what about our pure children they squealed

whatta bout em mad santa asked quite blitzed

iii

ten months a year we work where it freezes

to make gifts for your spoiled diseases

we do it for free yet you fail to thank

if up to me I’d send you to jesus

iv

the billigits led the big cheer hooray

santa had socked it to that p.t.a.

the snowflake karens slunked off now knowing

that was one elf you do not playly play