Personals by Doug Hawley

W4M – Boyfriend wanted

Me – 300 pounds BBW. HSV positive. Fore kids with five differint fathers.

U – 6’2” to 6’5” athletec, edjucated perfessional generous$ gentleman to take me shopping n diner, then well see how it goes. Gross picture deleted.

M4M – ISO Str8 married guy

Kik me for a good time.

M4W – Let me rock your world

Look at this. obscene picture deleted .

M4W – Looking for a discrete affair

Handsome professional man wanting to get a little on the side. Helps if you are married too. obscene picture deleted.

W4M – Want late night fun.

I have low self esteem. Please demean me and my children. Call me a _______ ___ while ______ on me. Must be respectful non-smoker and DDF.

MW4W – Unicorn wanted

Successful, happy couple looking for a third to complete our marriage. Must be beautiful, 25-32, and willing to clean house. Fake picture deleted

W4MMMM – Hope to do this soon

Open to anybody to do anything. Do not be concerned about my husband with the gun; it is only for my security. He’ll just be watching and filming. Fake picture deleted

M4W – ISO Cougar

Buy me dinner and we’ll see how thing go.

W4M Ready to party go fast now

Bring party favors. You’ll need to give me a credit card to be able to verify your identity.

MW4MW Full Swap

Must be young, attractive & fit. Bring Tina and Air Blast for PnP. Non-smokers only.

W4M – Missed connection. I saw you at the checkout at Albertsons. You look like you are about 30 with long blond hair. You were dressed in black pants and white shirt. You were with a woman about your age and three children. You were buying food, tampons and panties. I was in the next lane over, the short, chubby woman in red, and didn’t get a chance to talk to you even though we exchanged glances. Are you single? If yes, I would like to bear your children. 10 year old picture of someone else deleted.

Bio: Doug Hawley is a little old man who lives in Lake Oswego, Oregon USA with editor, picture taker and musician Sharon.  Previously he taught math and was an actuary.  Now he volunteers at a non-profit bookstore Booktique in support of his local library and volunteers at his local park Tryon.  He was inspired to restart writing by reading “Wild” by local author” Cheryl Strayed”.  His stories in many fiction and non-fiction areas have been published in several journals as indicated on his website.

Catch up with Doug’s work in  a variety of genres, lengths and humo(u)r at (ahem) https://sites.google.com/site/aberrantword/

Twit @dougiamm

5 thoughts on “Personals by Doug Hawley”

  2. Bill Tope's avatar Bill Tope says:

    Duke, this is probably your cleverest, most thought-provoking and funny–and saddest–story you’ve ever penned. It shows a facility with internet coding that I lack–maybe I should get out more. I especially liked, “I’ll need a credit card to verify your identity.” Clearly, you saved your best work for Saragun Springs. This is your best–with the exception of “The Vorg,” of course.

    Like

    Reply
  3. DWB's avatar DWB says:

    Mirthless

    Another successfully experimental tale! You have the gift of completing a full-blown tale in the fewest words, the surest sign of a true story-teller (as opposed to a wordy novelist or other kind of writer, which is a different kind of thing entirely). Hemingway excelled at short stories; his novels lag, and become bloated, except for the few he wrote that are more like long short stories.

    O. Henry of the USA and Guy de Maupassaunt of France both ended up writing around 400 tales each, if I remember rightly. And they both wrote in wildly varying genres, from straight-up realism to adventure to romance to horror and science fiction, especially the Frenchman. (Bob Dylan has 400 songs.)

    Amazing how much ground you cover in how few words today! The world this story depicts is MUCH larger than the mere word count would indicate. That is the real thing.

    Drifter

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Bill Tope Cancel reply