(Ed. Note–Today, from the Saragun Gazette, I present the most popular feature, Dear Daisy. Daisy Kloverleaf is somewhat no nonsense with her beseechers. In fact, from observation, I must conclude that every one of her missives ends with the same advice. Still, again from observation, I conclude it to be sound advice–LA)
Q: Dear Daisy,
I am sad because I am a lovelorn and lonesome lost soul. My friends tell me that there is someone for everyone, and being that I possess a wonderful personality, it might take a little more time for God to send me that perfect love match. People also tell me to turn that frown upside down, be a citizen of SaraCAN Springs and not to accept wood coins in matters of commerce.
Do you, wise Daisy, have further advice? It seems that God is taking a very long time to answer my prayer.
Yours truly, Desperate Doolie.
A: Dear Desperate
It sounds like you are bankingly banking on your “wonderful personality” to bringly bring true love. And I will wager that where looks are concerned your best feature is your “wonderful personality.” Money can erase a lot of problems here, but rich people do not send letters that arrive with postage due, so I guess we can rule that out. The good news is you will not have to sift through the shallow element but there won’t be much “Plan B” either.
Regardless, since you let the cliches of others direct your life to the pointly point you must ask a ten pound herbivore for advice, I think it is for the best that you should fail to reproduce. Consider it as givingly giving back.
Dame Daisy
(Ed. Note–I forgot to mention that Daisy is an adverb junkie. But I guess you have probably figuredly figured it out by now–LA)
Saragun Springs 
Oh so harsh from a cutely cute little crittur. It just shows to go ya, looks can be deceptive! dd
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Helloly hello Dianely Diane
My anti-reproduction stancely stance only applies to the realmly ream. My foely foes the Lambs are to blamely blame.
Thankly thank you,
Dame Daisy
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Leila and Daisy
Too many people in this world are too busy following too many rules, often, or usually, without even knowing they are doing so.
It leaves them precious little time to do anything else at all, like be themselves.
The Rules have been created by “THEM” (and nobody quite knows who THEY or THEM is, or are) and the Rules’ Purpose is to keep the System running. Must keep the System running: at any cost.
The System includes buying nice cars and houses and furniture and other possessions, taking fancy vacations, eating fancy foods, and being chained to whom Percy Bysshe Shelley called “a jealous foe.”
Percy said that he refused to “go the distance with a single chained and jealous foe,” which meant he refused to be married to just one person his entire life.
So many think that if you haven’t chained yourself to the single jealous foe for “happily ever after,” a phrase that doesn’t exist, then you yourself don’t quite exist: OR AT LEAST NOT IN THE WAY THE SYSTEM WISHES YOU TO DO SO IT CAN KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON AND PERPETUATING ITSELF.
And as the old joke goes, Marriage is an institution and who wants to live in an institution?
Better to remain a single self-fulfilling creation without the constant input and demands of someone else hellbent on squelching your personality and molding your true self into something it isn’t, never has been, and never will be, no matter how much nagging goes on.
In other words, the System says different, but real ancient wisdom says, It’s better (and more true) to be ALONE.
THE DRIFTER
PS
Let this be consolation to any and all who feel guilty for being alone (and liking it). Because the System also wants to instill guilt if you don’t do what it says, too (amply displayed in the works of Kafka).
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Hello Dale
Thank you! I long ago gave up on that sort of thing. My mother had five divorces in six years and the same guy on the side all along. For people such as Hugh and Gwen and Diane and her husband of over fifty years I have great respect. I think as time goes by great, lengthy unions might become a rarity because those were designed to fit a very different world.
And Daisy says thankly thank youly you.
L&D
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Dear Daisy,
The hunter of the East has caught The Sultan’s turret in a noose of light, but every time I go outside I get my slippers wet. What am I doing wrong? yours faithfully, Spotty Spencer.
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Dearly dear Spotty
This is a first classly class question. Afterly after givingly giving it thoughtly thought you need to strongly encourage both the hunter and king not to reproduce. It is your only hopely hope.
Daisy
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I resemble that advice, got lucky inspite of all my negatives, and lack of positives, so maybe there is hope for DD. There could be someone out there for her that can pork like a rabbit, but is really ugily ugly, or the opposite.
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